A Thousand Oceans
by vargagirl
Summary: After eight years apart, Emma returns from exile to find that Regina has given in to the dark side. Can she save her love, or is Regina truly too far gone to rescue? A Fairy Tale Land story. Swan Queen AU.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** This story takes place in the Fairy Tale Universe only. There will be no Henry. I love the kid, but he doesn't fit the story, so don't expect him to pop up anywhere. This is only the prologue, a taste of what this story will be about. And as a warning, my pre-1800s knowledge is not the best, so if I make any stupid mistakes for the time period, I apologize.

Emma's POV.

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><p>She clung to the darkness, hiding in the shadows as she slipped through the empty corridors of the castle. In the past eight years, she had learned how to hide and how to disappear, but this was the point of no return. She had a feeling that being among people again put her life at great risk. There was a bounty on her head, she was nearly sure of that, but she had to take this chance. She didn't fight through years in the wilderness, just so she could give into fear when she was so close to getting home again.<p>

Being back within these walls almost made it seem as though the past eight years had lived only in her imagination. She could feel that she had changed, but this place took her back to that time in her life when she had been happiest. Those few months had been the only time when she had actually had hope for the future. In her darkest hours, in the moments when she was sure that she would not live to see the next sunrise, she clung fast to those few months of happiness, willing them to pull her through. Willing her love to keep her alive.

Hearing a voice down the hallway, she pulled back towards the wall, trying to make herself as invisible as possible. The voice was familiar. Was it- James? She strained to listen, but just as it was coming closer, almost too close, it faded away. It had been James, she was sure of it. Knowing that he was there comforted her. Snow White couldn't be far off then.

She pushed forward, taking quiet, deliberate steps. She knew there was no real fear in getting caught within these walls- it was the outside world where the true danger lay- but she had to see Snow first. She had to get to her before she saw anyone else. Being away from people for so long and then suddenly being surrounded by a castle full of them made her nervous.

The door to Snow's chambers was just around the corner. She hoped she would find her cousin there. She looked down the hallway in the direction she had just came from, and then back to the path that lay before her, finally glancing around the corner to the door she was searching for. The steps were few, but they seemed to take forever. Pushing the door open, she stepped inside and breathed out a sigh of relief. Snow was sitting at a desk beneath a large window, writing on a piece of parchment. Emma quietly shut the door behind her and pushed the hood of her cloak off her head, finally exposing her face to the light.

"Snow," she whispered.

Snow's head shot up and she quickly turned around. Her eyes went wide. "Emma?"

She moved further into the room, trying desperately to remember the last time she had spoken to another human being. "Hello." The word felt heavy on her tongue, as though it were made of lead. She watched carefully as Snow stood up and walked over to her, stopping just a few feet in front of her.

"I thought you were dead."

Dead? She knew that people would be wondering where she had vanished to, but she never thought anyone would take her for dead. "No," she said slowly, trying to comprehend the implications behind Snow's words. Did Regina think that as well?

"Where have you been? What happened to you?" Snow asked, suddenly clutching both of Emma's hands in her own, pulling her closer. Emma shifted, uncomfortable with being so near to another human being again, even though it was her best friend. Snow's eyes squinted in concern.

"Regina... where is Regina?" She didn't want to answer any questions, not just yet. She needed to know that her beloved was alright. She watched Snow's eyes harden, her lips tighten.

"She's at her palace."

"And her father?"

Snow's head tilted at her question. "He's dead. He died not long after you disappeared." Emma couldn't believe it. All of this time he had been dead? "Emma, where have you been all of these years?"

"Regina thinks I'm dead?"

"Yes." Snow nodded.

"I have to go to her." She started to pull away from Snow, but her cousin pulled her back.

"Emma, you shouldn't see her."

"Why not?"

"Regina... she isn't the same woman you used to know. She's changed." Snow said reluctantly.

"She thinks I'm dead. Of course she's changed." She said more harshly than she thought she was capable of. It had been so long since she had to control her emotions. She wasn't sure that she knew how to anymore.

"No, not like that-"

"What would you be like if James died? You'd change. You'd change a lot. That's all that's happened to Regina." She refused to believe anything but that. If she had lost Regina, really lost her for good, she knows she would be permanently destroyed, unable to ever recover.

"It's worse than that."

"I have to see her."

"She's evil now, Emma. You can't go to her."

She drew in a sharp breath of air. Evil? Her Regina? It didn't seem possible. Regina would never hurt anyone, she was sure of that. "No. No, she's not. Don't say something like that." She pulled away from Snow, taking a few steps backwards.

"It's true, Emma. She tried to kill me. Twice."

"No!" Her sudden exclamation surprised even her. Snow stared at her with wide eyes. "Regina would never do something like that."

"Emma-"

"Stop it! Just fucking stop it!" She yelled at her cousin, causing Snow to reflexively take a step backwards. A few long moments later, the door opened behind her, interrupting the silence. She turned quickly on her heel, prepared for a fight. James stood in the doorway, staring at her, mouth agape.

"Emma?" He asked in disbelief.

"I have to go."

Before she knew what she was doing, she was running past James, down the corridors and out the back entrance of the palace. She could hear voices calling after her for a while, but then silence surrounded her. All she could hear was the fast thump-thumping of her heart, in time with the slapping of her footsteps on the cold stone. Once outside, she ran as far as she could stomach then found solace behind a barn. She bent over in pain, suddenly aware of the sharp stabbing in her side. A few moments later, she threw up the small breakfast she had consumed a few hours ago.

Leaning heavily against the small structure, she thought back on what Snow had said. She thought Regina was evil, but that couldn't be true. Regina could never be evil. Regina would certainly never try to kill Snow; Snow was her best friend. She knew that there was no chance that Regina would ever put Snow's life in danger. She shook her head in protest to no one. It was impossible. Snow had to be wrong.

Snow had said that she shouldn't go to Regina, so it was clear that Snow wasn't going to help her get to Regina's palace. She had thought that coming to her cousin was her best chance to get to her beloved, but apparently she had been wrong. She had to do this on her own. On foot, Regina's palace was days away, but after the hell that she had endured in the last eight years, a few days' painful travel would be nothing. Especially compared to what was waiting for her at the end of her journey.

After eight years apart, she was finally going to see her beloved again.


	2. If I Find You, Will You Still Remember?

**A/N:** I have four exams in the next week, so the next update could be a little ways away. To everyone who reviewed the prologue- thank you very, very much. Your kind words mean a lot to me.

I've written my own version of Regina's back story, since we know so little of it in the show now, and I've tinkered with a few things. Regina's father is a King, her castle is still her castle, not originally Leopold's. And there won't be much Snow White in this.

Italics are eight years in the past.

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><p><em>She reluctantly snuck into the ballroom, trying as hard as she could to blend in with the walls close behind her, even though her dress was a deep red and the walls were marble white. She had never been one for parties. They required her to pretend, to play the part of the royal princess that she had supposedly been born as. The whole notion of royalty seemed absurd to her, but she had long since learned that voicing her objections was pointless. She was a princess as far as everyone else was concerned, and that was that.<em>

_"Emma!"_

_Sighing, she looked over to see Snow White approaching her. She loved her cousin dearly- Snow was the only reason why she was here after all- but she knew that Snow was about to pull her into some situation that she wasn't going to enjoy. "Snow," she said in a low voice, warning her cousin not to push it._

_"I know. I know," Snow said softly as she linked arms with Emma, pulling her close. "I promise to keep you away from certain people." She nodded in the direction of a specific crowd of people across the room. Emma followed her gaze and shuddered, prompting Snow to laugh. "You're safe with me."_

_"This is your engagement party, Snow. What are you doing with me? You should be celebrating with everyone else." She liked to remain as invisible as possible at these things, but linked arm-in-arm with one half of the party's couple of honor, strolling through the middle of the ballroom, she was anything but invisible. The stares that followed their movements made Emma increasingly uncomfortable._

_Snow didn't seem surprised by her words. "I am celebrating. Both my engagement, and the fact that my two greatest friends have finally managed to be in the same place at the same time."_

_"What are you talking about?" She stared at Snow as the brunette came to a sudden stop._

_"There's someone I would like you to meet." Snow gave her a wide smile and leaned in closer to whisper, "trust me, you'll thank me later." Snow gave her a wink then pulled away. "Regina?" She said to the back of a woman in front of them, placing her hand on the woman's shoulder. When the brunette turned towards them, Emma took in a deep breath, stunned at the face of the woman before her._

_"Snow, dear, I know I've already said it a thousand times, but congratulations."_

_"Thank you, Regina. I have someone I'd like to introduce you to." Snow turned to look at Emma, and Regina followed her gaze. "Regina, this is Emma, my cousin. Emma, this is Regina, the daughter of King Henry."_

_They stood in silence for a long moment, eyes locked on one another. Emma could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears. Regina could feel her hands begin to tremble. She was first to break the silence. "Emma, it's a pleasure to meet you. Snow White has told me so much about you."_

_In a desperate move to come back to reality, Emma shook her head to clear her thoughts. She replied, "only good things I hope." Regina's lips broke into a wide smile. Emma felt her heart skip a beat._

_"Nothing but." Regina held Emma's gaze unblinking._

_After watching from the sidelines, an amused Snow finally interrupted their staring match. "I think I'll leave you two alone to chat." Before either woman could protest, she walked off to tend to her other guests._

_Emma watched Snow's retreating form, wondering what exactly her cousin was up to. She looked back to find Regina studying her. "Snow tells me that you're her best friend," Emma said slowly, not knowing what else there was to say to this stranger._

_"And she is mine. We met a few years ago and have been nearly inseparable since."_

_Emma couldn't help but notice the way a smile played on Regina's lips. "I'm glad to hear of that. When I left, I worried about leaving her on her own, but you've clearly managed to take good care of her."_

_"I hope that I have. Though now it seems like it's someone else's duty to take care of her," Regina said and motioned to where Snow and James were dancing in the middle of the room. "They both seem so happy with one another."_

_"Yes, they do." She could feel Regina's eyes watching her, and for once, being under someone's scrutiny didn't bother her. She almost liked it. Glancing back to the brunette, she caught Regina's gaze. A long moment passed in silence._

_"Emma." A deep voice interrupted._

_Her heart stopped. She knew that voice. Turning slowly to her right, she saw the face of the man whose approval she had yearned for her whole life. "King Leopold."_

_"You came," he said with a slight frown, then turned towards Regina, giving the brunette a genuine smile. "Regina, it's very good to see you here. How have you been since I last saw you?"_

_Emma felt her stomach churn. Seeing him again was too much. "Excuse me," she said quietly as she turned away._

_Regina's eyes followed Emma closely as the blonde disappeared into the crowd. When the King cleared his throat, she looked back to him. He offered her an apologetic smile._

_"Forgive my niece. She never quite learned proper manners."_

_Regina forced herself to smile at the King, even though she truly wanted to give him a piece of her mind, partially for interrupting her conversation with Emma, but mostly for causing the saddened look in the blonde's eyes. She didn't know what he had done to Emma over the course of her life, but it almost made her hate the man. "All is forgiven," she said, hoping the insincerity didn't shine through in her tone._

...

She spent a week on foot, traveling the woods that separated Snow's kingdom and Regina's palace, more dedicated than she had ever been in her eight year quest to return to her beloved. She could feel how close she was, could almost see Regina's castle just over the next few hills. The excitement that ran through her veins woke her up to the reality of her situation. She was finally returning home.

For the most part, she had gone through the woods itself, sticking close enough to the trail to let it guide her, but far enough away so that she could hide unnoticed if anyone should pass by. But she was so close and so tired now. After a long debate with herself, she moved onto the road for the final stretch of her journey. Just an hour now, maybe less, and she would see her Regina again. The hope that filled her chest was almost enough to start her running towards the castle.

She could hear the sound of hoof beats only moments before she saw them. She started to run back into the woods, but her path was blocked by an armored man on horseback. Turning to look behind her for another escape route, she found that she was surrounded by three other guards.

"Where do you think you're going?" One of the men asked.

Her eyes met his. "To see the Queen." She answered, hoping that that was the right thing to say. If Regina's father had died, that had to mean that she had assumed the throne.

"This road is off-limits except to carriages of the Queen. You're trespassing."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know." She could feel a knot forming in her stomach.

"Due to recent security concerns for Her Majesty, trespassers are to be killed immediately, by orders of the Queen." The man said, an evil grin spreading across his face. He climbed down from his horse and started towards Emma.

"You don't want to kill me, trust me." She said, taking a step backwards.

"And why would that be?"

"I am a close friend of the Queen's. If she finds out that you killed me, I'm sure she'd be more than happy to do the same to you." She said as confidently as she could manage, crossing her arms over her chest for added effect.

Taking a step closer to her, the man looked her up and down. "You're bluffing." He pulled his sword out of its sheath and took another step closer.

She took another step backwards. "Do you really want to risk your life just for the satisfaction of killing me?" He studied her carefully. Her confidence rose at his hesitance. "Take me to the Queen, and if she doesn't recognize me, I'm sure she'll let you kill me then." She somehow managed a smirk, even though she knew it had been years since her face had used those muscles.

He pondered his options for a moment, staring Emma down. When she didn't bat an eye, he put his sword back in its place. "Fine," he took a few steps closer to her and pulled a rope from his belt. "But I'm tying you up and you're walking. If you make one move in the wrong direction, I will kill you immediately."

"Fine." She held out her wrists for him to bind together. He wrapped his rope around her skin, tugging it much tighter than necessary. "That hurts," she said through gritted teeth. He pulled the ropes tighter then knotted them off.

"I'm _so_ sorry," he said, giving her a sarcastic smile then mounted his horse. "Walk."

Heading down the road towards the Queen's palace- Regina's palace, she reminded herself- she couldn't help but feel a small sense of dread. The fact that Regina had issued orders to have potentially innocent people killed worried her. But if it was to protect herself from a threat to her life, Emma couldn't help but be glad that Regina was being cautious. She only hoped this road would lead her towards happiness rather than misery.

...

_She tried her best to listen to what Graham was saying to her father, but found no interest in royal politics. Her eyes searched the great room for any sign of the mysterious blonde that she had been introduced to earlier. She had heard many stories from Snow White about her cousin over the years, but none of them seemed to do her justice. The look in Miss Swan's eyes told of a troubled past and a certain distrust for the world around her. Regina couldn't help but crave to learn more about the blonde._

_When Graham halted his ranting to take a sip of his drink, Regina said a polite, "excuse me," to the two men in her life and left them alone to talk business. As she walked along the periphery of the room, she watched the dancers in the center, but she had a feeling that Emma wasn't the dancing type. She again searched the crowd lining the walls of the great room, but found no sign of the blonde._

_"I think what you're looking for has taken leave of us." She turned around and came face to face with a smiling Snow White. Her friend nodded towards the door to the terrace. "You should try outside," she said, then headed off to talk to someone Regina didn't know._

_Regina briefly wondered why Snow assumed she knew who she was looking for, but she had known Snow long enough to trust her best friend's instincts. Without missing another beat, she headed out into the cold night air. The door closed behind her, muffling the noises from the party. She glanced over her surroundings. On the far side of the terrace, near the steps down to the gardens, stood a blonde in a deep red dress, leaning on the terrace wall with a posture that could only be described as defeated. Regina drew in a deep breath and started towards her._

_"Miss Swan," she said quietly, not wanting to scare the woman. When the blonde turned towards her, Regina felt her heart skip a beat. A smile spread across her lips. "Came out here to escape?"_

_"Something like that," Emma said with her own small smile. "You too?"_

_"Maybe... I might have just come out here looking for you, but I have a feeling that if I said that, you'd run off again... So yes, I just came out here to escape." Regina watched the emotions run through Emma's eyes, then relaxed when the blonde's smile grew._

_Emma stood up straight, turning towards Regina, her hands still resting on the wall of the terrace. "I'm sorry about earlier. I promise my leaving had nothing to do with you."_

_"I know it didn't." Regina dismissed the apology with a wave of her hand. "It was Snow's father who you were running from... I got the feeling from Snow that your relationship with him was anything but amiable. Was I right?"_

_The look in Emma's eyes changed. "Yeah." She looked back out to the gardens._

_"I'm sorry, I just-" Emma's eyes were suddenly on her again. "I have a feeling that you don't like anyone asking personal questions... or rather any sort of questions."_

_Emma nodded once, her eyebrow raised. "You're Snow's best friend."_

_Regina caught the fact that it was a statement rather than a question and wondered what that meant. Had Snow been talking to Emma about her? "Yes, I am."_

_"Then that means that you're not just anyone."_

_Regina wanted to ask for clarification of that statement, just to be able to listen to Emma speak more, but she knew she didn't really need it. "Thank you, Miss Swan. That means a lot to me."_

_Emma nodded briefly then changed the subject. "Why were you looking for me?"_

_She felt her stomach do somersaults at the way Emma's hazel eyes were staring at her, questions burning in them. "Do you want me to be honest?" Emma hesitated for a long moment then nodded, her left eyebrow quirking. "You intrigue me. I have a feeling that you are completely unlike anyone I've ever known."_

_"Is that a good thing?" Emma asked quietly._

_"It's a marvelous thing." Regina smiled at her. When Emma returned it, she felt her courage grow. "You-" she took in a deep breath, "you make me feel something. I don't know quite what it is yet, but I do know... that I need to know who you are."_

_Emma looked back out to the gardens, an unreadable look on her face. They stood in silence for a few minutes, Regina studying the blonde and wondering if she had said too much too soon. Just when she thought she wasn't going to get anything in response, Emma opened her mouth to speak._

_"Nearly all of my life has been spent alone. When I was younger, after my parents..." Emma took in a deep breath, "I lived here and, even though I had Snow White, I always felt that I was on my own... When I finally grew old enough to leave, I did. Snow wanted me to stay, but I knew I didn't belong here. I left the kingdom because I needed some place to be free. I needed to be alone. It's been four years since I left, and I haven't regretted leaving..." her eyes locked on Regina's, "until now."_

_Regina felt her heart skip a beat. "How long are you staying?"_

_"A fortnight."_

_Regina's smile dropped. She tried her best to hide her disappointment. "You're not staying long then."_

_"No, I'm not. Being here brings back too many bad memories." Emma said quietly and looked back towards the gardens. She felt Regina's eyes watching her._

_"Snow's father." Regina whispered, earning a nod from Emma._

_"He took me in because he had no other choice. It was the honorable thing to do. But he never treated me with anything less than disdain. His relationship with my father had been filled with mutual distrust and contempt, and when my father was gone, Snow's father transferred those emotions to me, even though I was only six."_

_"I'm so sorry," Regina said softly. She didn't know what made her do it, but before she could stop herself, her hand was touching the small of Emma's back, rubbing it gently. Emma looked back to her with a sad smile._

_"That's life. It never goes quite the way you wish it would."_

_"What about your life since you left? Have you found happiness?"_

_Emma tilted her head at the question. "I don't know that I really even know the meaning of that word. I live, I exist, but no... I haven't found happiness. Not yet." She said the last part so softly that Regina almost didn't hear it._

_Her heart ached for Emma. She had felt great sadness before, mostly after her mother died, but the pain that she could sense in Emma went much deeper than that. Moving closer, her lips just inches from Emma's ear, she whispered, "never give up hope." Emma looked to her, their faces mere inches apart. Regina took in a deep breath then added, "promise me that you won't."_

_"I promise."_

_Emma's eyes were staring into her own, her pulse racing. "Thank you," Regina whispered. Acting on instinct, she leaned in closer to Emma's face. Her eyes darted down to Emma's lips. Before she knew what was going on, Emma had pulled back, putting a foot of space in between them._

_"You should probably be getting back to the party. I'm sure there are people wondering where you are." Emma said softly, looking back towards the gardens._

_"I don't have to go. I'd much rather stay out here with you." She knew she had never before spoken truer words. The party held no interest for her; the blonde before her was far more compelling._

_"No, you should."_

_She didn't know why Emma had suddenly put a wall between them, but it didn't sit well with her. She understood the issues Emma had with trusting others. But after the way that Emma spoke with her just moments ago, Regina thought that things might be different between the two of them. "Alright, I'll go. But don't stay out here too long. It's much too cold."_

_"I won't... Goodnight."_

_Regina wondered why Emma couldn't even bear to look at her to tell her goodbye. Perhaps she was regretting opening up? "Goodnight, Miss Swan." Regina turned to go, taking a few steps before the sound of a soft voice stopped her._

_"It's Emma."_

_"Pardon?" Regina asked, looking back towards the blonde. Emma's eyes were on her._

_"You can call me Emma." She said, almost in a whisper, her head titled slightly to the side._

_Regina felt a smile grow on her face. "Then, Emma," she watched as the blonde's lips turned up in a smile of her own, "Will I see you again?" She asked, needing confirmation that Emma wouldn't be disappearing back to wherever she came from just yet._

_"You will."_

_It was all the reassurance she needed. With another nod, she turned back towards the doors to the building. She could feel Emma's eyes watching her until she was back inside._

...

She didn't like the feeling of this. Regina's castle had changed. The corridors were darker, sparsely lit with torches hung from the walls. The shadows surrounding her and the guards felt threatening. From what she could make of the tapestries that hung on the walls, they showed gruesome scenes. The whole atmosphere of the castle made her shudder. This wasn't how the palace used to be.

They walked down a long corridor, lined on one side with countless mirrors. If the castle hadn't already had her on edge, the wall of mirrors might have made her smile. Knowing Regina, those mirrors were anything but ordinary. The guards stopped her when they came to a set of large wooden doors. The lead guard knocked. When there was a muffled response from inside, he opened the door and motioned for them to follow. One of the other guards pushed Emma forward and into the room.

A woman was standing with her back to the door, long dark hair falling down to her waist, dressed in a black gown. Emma took in a deep breath as the woman turned to face them. Her heart stopped as Regina's eyes met her own. She felt a smile grow on her lips. Regina's face remained emotionless.

"What do we have here?" Regina asked, walking closer. She looked from Emma to the head guard, her eyebrows raised.

"She was found in the woods, a few miles out on the south road." The guard reported. Emma studied the anger in Regina's eyes, wondering if this was all some kind of a dream. Regina didn't so much as flinch when she first saw her.

"My orders were to kill anyone found in the woods at once." Regina nearly yelled at the guard. "So why is she still alive?" She tiled her head, a sneer on her lips.

"Regina? It's me." Emma said, finally managing to find her voice. Regina looked back towards her in surprise. She came closer, so that she was standing just in front of Emma, and studied her carefully. Emma stared into her eyes, praying to find some sliver of recognition there, but found nothing. It was as if she was a stranger to Regina.

"I will ask again, why is she still alive?" She addressed the guard, but kept her eyes locked on Emma's.

"She said she was a friend of yours." The guard spoke up.

Regina studied her face, her eyes squinting in concentration. "Regina?" Emma could hear the tremor in her voice. She felt her stomach churn. Something was really, really wrong. "You don't remember me?"

"I've never seen you before." Regina said after a long pause, her voice low but certain. "You lied to escape death."

Panic started to fill her mind. Regina didn't remember her. How was that possible? "No! No, Regina, it's me! It's Emma!"

Regina's eyes went wide. Then her expression turned to fury. "How dare you," she growled, coming within a few inches of Emma's face. "Who are you to be speaking that name to me?"

"Regina-"

"Silence!" Regina yelled at her, causing her to immediately close her mouth. Regina studied Emma's face for a long minute. Emma had never seen Regina angry before, but this went much further than that. Regina was seething. "How do you know that name?" She asked.

"Because I am Emma-"

"Emma is dead!" Regina shouted, interrupting her once again. "And soon you will be as well. Take her from my sight and finish her." She yelled and turned towards the fire.

Emma had never been more terrified before in all of her life. The words fell out of her lips faster than her brain could process them. "Regina, we met at Snow and Charming's engagement party-" One of the guards pushed her backwards. She kept her eyes on Regina's retreating form. "You followed me out to the terrace and I fell in love with you under those stars that night-" She felt a hand start pulling her towards the door and tried to fight it off. "You had on your favorite gown, a white dress that I later told you it made you look like an angel. You laughed then said you could never be an angel-" One of the guards moved in front of her, blocking Regina from view.

"Stop!" Regina yelled.

Emma let out a deep breath. The guard moved, allowing her to see Regina again. The brunette's eyes were on her. "Please don't kill me," Emma pleaded. She needed time. Whatever was going on, she needed time to figure it out. She had to make Regina realize it was really her.

Regina looked towards the guards. "Take her to the dungeon and search her, then bring me all of her belongings. For now, do not kill her." Her eyes locked on Emma again. "Don't think that your life has been spared. Right now, I would like nothing more than to have you killed. But there is no reason to do that in haste, I suppose. Take her away!" She yelled then walked out towards her balcony.

The guards forcefully pushed Emma out of the room before she could say another word.


	3. And If I'm Floating In The Darkness

__**A/N:** School/personal problems have kept me from updating this, and for that I am sorry. Thank you to everybody who has put this on their alerts/favorites list, and especially to those who have reviewed. The reviews help me kick myself in the ass when I need it, so the more people that I know are waiting for me to update, the easier it is to guilt myself into writing when I'm not feeling it. I love hearing what you guys think, so don't be shy. Remember, reviews are crack for writers.

Italics are eight years in the past.

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><p><em>Regina pulled another apple from the tree and placed it in her basket with the others. Just a few more and she would have enough to last through the next week. It had snowed overnight, the first snowfall of the season, but the chill in the air went unnoticed. Beneath her tree had always been the place where she felt most at ease. She enjoyed her time to herself in her gardens, taking in the silence of the lands around her. Pulling another apple from its branch, she smiled to herself. Gardening was such a simple task, but it brought her so much joy.<em>

_"Regina."_

_She startled, turning towards the voice of the intruder. "Emma," she whispered. She had never expected to see the blonde here, definitely not without some kind of notice beforehand. Emma walked over to her, a comfortable smile on her face._

_"I hope it's okay that I came?" She asked gently. "I really wanted to see you."_

_Regina's heart skipped a beat. "Of course it is. I'm glad that you're here." She reached out, taking Emma's hand in her own. Giving it a squeeze, she added, "I've been thinking about you a lot since our meeting the other night."_

_Regina noticed the hesitance in Emma's eyes before the blonde responded in barely more than a whisper, "I've been thinking about you, too." Emma interlaced her fingers with Regina's, trying hard not to think too much about how Regina's hand fit perfectly in her own._

_"Did you come by yourself?" Regina mentally kicked herself for asking the question. The matter was insignificant. She didn't care who had come with Emma. All that she wanted was to spend time with the blonde._

_"Yes. I came on horseback. I didn't really think everything through this morning, I just saddled up and headed here." Emma answered with a shrug, a slight color rising in her cheeks._

_"You must be tired. It's a long journey from Snow's palace."_

_"It was worth it." She said, earning a smile from Regina. "Though I can only stay for a few hours before I have to start back."_

_Regina's smile faltered. The last thing she wanted to think about was parting ways with Emma again. "You're welcome to stay here for a few days. I'd love to have the company."_

_The hope in Regina's eyes caused Emma's heart to skip a beat. Emma wanted to stay, but she had always been wary of new places and new people. She was comfortable around Regina, but she knew it wasn't only Regina that lived in this palace. "I don't want to impose any further than I already have by coming here unannounced."_

_"I promise you, your being here is not an imposition. I really want you to stay."_

_Emma studied the look in Regina's dark eyes. There was so much optimism and radiance. She knew then with certainty that she would do anything Regina asked of her, if only to make the brunette smile. "Then I would love to stay." When Regina's lips turned up into a grin, Emma knew that she had made the right decision._

_"Thank you," Regina said softly, taking in a deep breath. She was surprised by the sudden relief that she felt. She would have at least a few days to spend with Emma before they would have to say their goodbyes. "I can send someone to Snow's to bring back some of your possessions if you'd like."_

_"Thank you. That would be appreciated." She felt Regina squeeze her hand again. Looking down at their entwined fingers, she noted the basket filled with apples that Regina had hung on her other arm. Her eyes looked up to the tree beside them, anything to keep herself calm while the brunette was standing so close in front of her. "It's a beautiful tree. Did you grow it yourself?"_

_"Yes. I've tended to it since I was a little girl."_

_The soft change in Regina's tone surprised Emma. She looked back to find the brunette gazing wistfully at the tree. "Are those happy memories or sad ones that you're thinking of?"_

_Regina looked to her in surprise. After a few moments, her lips turned upwards slightly in a sad smile. "Both." She answered simply. Changing topics, she added in a stronger voice, "how about we get out of the cold? I'd like to introduce you to my father." Regina noted the panic that briefly flashed in Emma's eyes before the blonde looked away to the castle towering above them. She knew that meeting new people was a big event for Emma. Wanting to reassure her, she leaned in closer and said, "My father is practically a big teddy bear, nothing to be intimidated by. He'll love you just as much as I do, I promise."_

_The word 'love' brought Emma's eyes back to Regina's. Swallowing hard, she forced down the emotions burning inside of her. "I hope so." Emma replied truthfully, surprised by how vulnerable she was letting herself be in front of Regina. She hated when people could sense what she was truly feeling, but Regina was different. She liked that in such a short time, Regina had already become so attuned to her emotions._

_"Come on," Regina said softly and pulled Emma closer. Wrapping her arm around the blonde's, she guided them both towards the castle._

...

She could feel the bile rise within her throat.

All of these years and she had still not managed to exact her revenge. Snow White was just as happy as she had ever been. The sight of the brunette's smile from her magic mirror made her seethe. "Enough!" She shouted, causing the image to fade away. She turned her back to her mirror and made her way over to the fireplace. The heat from the flames burned her exposed skin, but the slight pain felt better than the nothing she had become so used to feeling over the years. Anything was better than feeling nothing.

She would have her revenge soon enough. She had called for a meeting tomorrow of the most evil souls that she knew, and then she would enact the curse to end all curses. The warnings that she had received from Maleficent did nothing to deter her. She knew this curse would make everything right again. She would destroy Snow White and in the process she might finally find some semblance of a happy ending. Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

There was a knock on her door, startling her. She had expressly stated to be left alone this evening. She needed time to herself to think over the final details of her plan. "What is it?" She half-yelled, half-growled in the direction of the door. She heard someone enter but kept her eyes on the fire.

"You asked to see the prisoner's belongings."

She had nearly forgotten the prisoner, so wrapped up in her plan for revenge. Her anger flared once again at the thought of the woman in the dungeon. Nearly yelling at the guard, she ordered, "put them over there and leave." She motioned vaguely to a table behind her. When she heard the door close again, signaling that she was alone, she let out a deep sigh. This day had been more torturous than she had ever imagined it could be. The memories suddenly flooding her system at the mentions of her beloved's name were wearing her thin.

She walked over to the table and examined the prisoner's belongings. There wasn't much worth anything. A few changes of clothes, a few personal items that held no value. She picked up a flat object wrapped in a deep red cloth that looked familiar. Pulling the fabric away, she gasped. She stared at it for a long moment, but there was no mistaking it. It was her hand mirror. The one that she had given Emma.

The mirror itself was broken, shattered into a dozen pieces. Her heartbeat pulsed in her ears. Her breath caught in her throat. How could this be? All of Emma's belongings were supposedly destroyed. And yet this stranger had her mirror. She could feel the fury rising within her. Whoever this person was might have some knowledge on how her beloved died. They might have even been partially responsible for Emma's death. If they were, she would be sure to make them pay dearly for it.

Gripping the mirror tightly, she tried to reign in her anger. It wasn't something she was used to doing, but with the memories of Emma surrounding her, she felt she needed to. Emma wouldn't have wanted her to become like this. If Emma was here now, she would despise who Regina's become, Regina was sure of that. She would be horrified by the atrocious acts that Regina had committed in the past eight years.

Emma's death had changed her in ways she never could have imagined. Before, she had unshakable faith in the good of the universe, believing firmly in the kindness of strangers and living by the golden rule. Once she lost her love, that part of her had died. She no longer cared in the good side, only in her own side. She had no difficulty disposing of anyone who tried to stand in her way. Her actions in the past eight years didn't make her proud, but the darkness that filled her soul had destroyed her ability to empathize a long time ago.

Staring into the broken pieces of the mirror, she studied her reflection. She searched for any sign of the same girl that had once loved Emma so fiercely. She came up empty. That girl died alongside Emma, she knew. For a moment, she wondered if she could be that person again. If the evil that had consumed her could be vanquished. If maybe she could find peace again. She longed so much for peace.

She nearly laughed at herself. There was no redemption for her, no chance at a true happy ending. Even if she managed to enact the curse, she would spend the rest of her days alone, just as she was now. She might find some joy in the suffering of her rival, but she knew that was no substitute for the happiness that she had felt with Emma. Nothing was.

Looking back over the prisoner's possessions, she searched for anything else familiar. The clothes were nondescript, almost drab, nothing Emma would have touched when she was alive. The personal items were equally unexceptional. There was nothing that mattered, only the mirror. Once again she felt her blood boil.

This stranger was in her way, but might hold the answers to questions she'd been dying to ask for years. No matter what she had to do, she would get the information she sought.

...

_She could never before remember a day in her life that had been as perfect as this one had been. Spending the day with Regina, learning about the brunette, eating dinner with her and her father had meant so much more than Emma would've ever guessed it could have. After dinner, Regina had played the piano for her while the King sat nearby, reading in front of the fire. It was a quiet evening, but it had been everything that Emma had ever wanted._

_More than anything in her life, she yearned for a place where she could belong. She had felt comfortable with her cousin, but Snow's father had always made sure to remind her that his castle was not her home. She was there only due to his generosity, not because she was truly family. But here, with Regina and her father, she felt right. She knew with certainty that she was wanted, and that gave her a feeling of peace that she had never had before._

_She looked down through her window at the apple tree that held so many mysteries for her. She wanted to know everything about Regina, starting with why she had looked so tormented earlier. What had happened beneath that tree that had caused her so much sorrow?_

_A knock at the door pierced the silence of her room, startling her. "Come in," she called out._

_The door opened, followed by Regina entering carrying a nightgown. "I thought I'd bring you this, give you something comfortable to sleep in." Regina said, meeting Emma in the center of the room and handing the gown to her._

_"Thank you." Emma said, her eyes glancing over the fabric of the gown before placing it gingerly on the table beside her._

_"I had a wonderful time today," Regina said, a slight color rising in her cheeks. "My father adores you. He couldn't stop talking about you after you retired."_

_Emma smiled at Regina's words. At dinner, she had found that talking with Regina's father was surprisingly easy. They had far more in common than she had anticipated. "And I adore him. He seems to be everything a father should be."_

_"He is." Regina broke eye contact with Emma, her gaze darting around the room. She didn't know why she suddenly felt so anxious. Taking in a deep breath, she tried to settle her nerves. When she felt Emma's touch on her arm, she looked back to the blonde._

_"Are you alright?" Emma asked in a whisper, her eyes betraying just how concerned she was._

_"I'm fine." She gave Emma the most reassuring smile she could manage. "It's just a little warm in here," she added and fanned herself a few times for effect._

_"Come here," Emma said, gently pulling Regina towards the windows. Pushing one open, she felt the cold air rush in and looked back to the brunette, the concern still shining in her eyes. "Does that help any?"_

_"Yes," Regina breathed. Emma's hands were holding both of her own, only a few inches of space separating their bodies. She had never felt this alive before. Every time she looked at Emma, she felt something extraordinary, something that she couldn't put into words. She wondered if Emma felt anything when she looked at her._

_"What are you thinking about? You look so deep in thought."_

_She thought about the possible ramifications of her answer. The last thing she wanted was to lose Emma, but if she chose the wrong words, she could do just that. "Nothing," she said softly, deciding against answering truthfully. "I'm just happy that you stayed."_

_"Me too." Emma watched as Regina looked out the window to the moon hanging low in the sky. Before she knew what she was doing, she reached up and tucked a stray hair behind Regina's ear. Her fingers ran down Regina's jaw in a featherlight touch. She noticed Regina take in a deep breath. Dark eyes met her own._

_"Emma..." She whispered._

_Emma cupped Regina's cheek, stroking her skin with her thumb. She felt a burning need to tell Regina everything that she was feeling. She wanted Regina to know just how happy she'd made her tonight. Smiling, she softly said, "you've awoken something in me, Regina, something I never thought I would have... a feeling of belonging and contentment. You've stilled my mind, giving me peace for the first time in my life. I will forever be grateful for that... Thank you for making me feel like my life matters."_

_Regina felt the tears pooling in her eyes, but smiled at the blonde before her. She reached up, her fingers gently touching the back of Emma's hand on her cheek. Slowly, she traced the skin down to Emma's wrist, then wrapped her fingers around it. She tried to come up with a response worthy of such a confession, but couldn't find any words as beautiful as Emma's. Her gaze dropped to Emma's lips. She knew that the best way to convey all of the emotions she was feeling was not with words._

_Leaning closer, she closed her eyes and gently pressed her lips to Emma's. A moment passed before she felt the blonde kiss her back. It was a chaste kiss, lasting only a few seconds, but it was enough to show Emma the true depth of her feelings. When Regina finally pulled back, her eyes opening, she studied the look on Emma's face. A long moment later, the blonde's eyes fluttered open, meeting Regina's gaze._

_Regina felt a lump form in her throat. The questions in Emma's eyes terrified her. Sometimes she hated how impulsive she could be. But then a smile spread across Emma's lips, and Regina let out the breath she had been holding._

_"You feel it, too?" Emma asked in a whisper._

_Unable to find any words, Regina nodded, a smile of relief on her face._

_"I care so deeply for you, deeper than I ever have for anyone." Emma whispered, both of her hands cupping Regina's cheeks gently. Regina snaked her arms around Emma's waist, pulling her closer. Emma leaned in, her lips once again meeting Regina's. Regina's eyes closed, and she gave in to the feelings of bliss. When she realized that they were kissing with the door to Emma's room open where anyone could see them, she suddenly felt uneasy._

_Pulling away, she whispered, "I should go."_

_"Did I do something wrong?" Emma asked, worry suddenly crossing her features._

_"No, not at all." Regina smiled at the blonde and immediately received one back. "It's just been a long day, and it's getting late. We should both get to sleep." She pulled out of Emma's embrace and noticed the blonde's smile falter._

_"Alright," Emma tried her best to hide her disappointment from her tone, but she knew she failed miserably. Regina cupped Emma's cheek with her hand for a moment, then pulled back entirely._

_"Rest up. We have all of tomorrow to spend together." Her words seemed to cheer Emma up, but the dread that settled in the pit of her stomach kept her from feeling any joy. Shaking her head slightly, she took a step backwards. "Goodnight, Emma."_

_"Sweet dreams."_

_Emma watched as Regina walked towards the door, exited and closed it behind her. She took in a deep breath, wondering what had changed at the end. She could sense that Regina's mood had shifted to something far darker than it should have been. Looking back down to the apple tree, she pressed her fingers lightly to her lips, wondering if the next day would be as perfect as this one had been, or something more unpleasant._

...

It had been years since she had been down to the dungeon. It was the only part of her castle that she despised. Buried beneath the ground, there were no windows to let in light from the sun, and the few torches that lit the corridors did nothing to keep the rats at bay. She heard a few scampering to her right and quickly passed, a sneer on her face. She threw open the last door standing between her and the prison cell. It was a small room, a row of bars cutting the room into two halves. On the close side stood the guard that Regina had posted there, on the other, hiding somewhere in the shadows, was her prisoner.

"Leave us," Regina said to the guard. He did as he was instructed, closing the door behind him. Regina watched as her captive came up to the bars and into the light, an optimistic look in her eyes. "I will ask you once and you will answer with the truth or pay the consequences... what is your name?"

"Emma Swan." The prisoner said firmly.

"Do not lie to me!" She yelled. "Unless you want me to kill you now."

"I'm telling the truth, Regina."

Staring into the eyes of her prisoner, she could see that the woman was unwavering in her position. Regina decided to change her tactic. In a calmer voice, she asked, "did Snow White send you?" She knew that her rival had something to do with this. She didn't know how Snow was planning to bring her down, but she was certain that she was plotting something.

"No. I've been traveling for eight years to get back you."

_Unbelievable._ Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. Exasperated, she moved closer to the bars until she was a few inches in front of the woman's face. "You are _not_ my Emma. Are you so stupid to think that after all this time I would forget what she looked like? That I could forget the face of the woman that I _love_?"

"Regina, something is going on. For some reason, you can't see my real face-"

"Silence!" She yelled, causing her prisoners eyes to widen. She couldn't take this. Her Emma was dead, and this person was going to pay for it, regardless of whether or not she had been involved. But she had come here for a reason, and she refused to leave without first getting her answers. Holding up the hand mirror, she asked, "where did you get this?"

"You gave it to me."

"Emma was murdered! This was with her when she died. Now you were either there when she was killed or you know someone who was. Now, I will ask you again, where did you get this mirror?"

"It was the last time I saw you. We knew that-"

"Enough!" Regina yelled. The prisoner shut her mouth suddenly, her eyes growing in surprise. Regina took a menacing step forward, a sneer on her face. "Do you realize that your life is on the line here? If you don't start telling me the truth and soon, I will have you killed and I won't think twice about it. You will be only one of hundreds that I have had killed. Your life doesn't matter to me, but I suspect it matters to you. So if you would like to keep on living, I suggest you tell me the truth." When the woman remained silent, Regina asked again, "where did you get the mirror?"

The prisoner studied her cautiously, seemingly trying to figure out what the best thing to answer with would be. "You've killed hundreds of people?" She asked, her confidence suddenly wavering.

"I have. Not all of them by my own hand, of course. Most were to preserve my kingdom, but some were for personal revenge. Especially to avenge the murder of my beloved." The prisoner broke eye contact, doubt etched across her features. Regina could tell that her words were getting to the prisoner. "Now do you wish to tell me who you really are?"

The woman's eyes met hers again, a pleading look held within them. "Both of my parents died in an ambush on their carriage when I was six. I spent four years living alone at the end of the earth, thinking that my life would be spent in solitude. I've loved only once, but that love has kept me alive for eight-"

"You are _not_ my Emma!" She yelled once again.

The woman's lips turned into a small smile. Regina's outburst seemed to have no effect on her, for she kept talking at a rapid pace. "When you sleep, your nose scrunches up just a little bit and you look adorable. Your favorite place on the property is underneath your apple tree, your second favorite is at your piano. We said goodbye to one another on the bridge over the river. You tried your hardest not to cry, but as I was walking away, when I turned around to look at you, you broke down into sobs." The prisoner stopped and studied Regina's face. When Regina remained silent, the woman continued, "I came back and comforted you, but you pushed me away. You yelled at me to leave, so I did."

Regina held her breath, stunned at how accurate her prisoner's words were. It didn't make sense. Her beloved was dead. This person could not possibly be Emma. She had lost Emma so many years ago. "You have to be lying," she whispered, trying to reign in the unfamiliar feelings of sadness developing within her.

"I'm not, I promise you. Ask me anything, and I will answer with the truth."

Regina studied the face of the stranger in front of her. "Emma is dead." She said again, her voice growing in strength. "And I have nothing left to say to you." She turned and headed for the door.

"The last time I saw you, I promised you that I would always find you. That no matter what came between us, even if it took fifty years, I would always come back to you."

Regina stopped. Everything the prisoner had said was true. They were things that only she and Emma knew, but it wasn't enough to get her to stay. This prisoner was a stranger that was trying to manipulate her emotions, nothing else. She threw open the door and marched down the corridor, back towards her chambers. Their talk had been too much. Too many emotions were swirling around inside of her now. She wanted the prisoner killed for bringing back all of her misery, but a part of her wondered if what the woman was saying was true.

What if she really was Emma?

She shook off the thought. Emma had died. Her father wouldn't have lied to her about that. He told her that he had seen Emma die with his own eyes. It had to be the truth. This prisoner was not her Emma. No matter how much she wished it could be true, it wasn't. She threw open the doors to her chambers and shut them just as harshly. Sinking deep into her chair, she let her eyes fall closed. Now she was destined to spend the rest of her evening thinking about the life she might have lived had everything turned out the way it was supposed to. Her never-ending hell.

But tomorrow will change everything, she reminded herself. Tomorrow she will be set free from this realm, and then hopefully she will finally find somewhat of a happy ending. She stared into the fire, willing the morning to come so that she could begin her preparations for the curse.


	4. But You Know That I Will Run

**A/N**: I meant to mention in the last chapter that my version of Regina's mirror is a little different, since it was written before 1x11 aired. My mirror is inspired by a different fairy tale. I realize I'm messing with a lot of the FTL canon, but I'm trying to keep it as true to what we know as possible when it fits the story.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been reviewing/subscribing. I love all of you guys so much. The reviews mean so much to me, so a million thank yous!

I stole some things from an episode for the first part of the chapter, so if it feels familiar, the words don't belong to me.

* * *

><p>Her plan had failed. She had tried to enact the curse, sacrificing everything to make it work. But it had failed, and failed miserably, right in front of some of her closest allies. She felt humiliated. She didn't want to do this, but she had no other choice. It was ask for his help, or never get the revenge she was seeking.<p>

"What can I do for you, dearie?"

She hated to seek help from anyone, but that grin on his face made her hate this occasion even more. "That curse you gave me, it's not working." She tried her best to remain somewhat friendly, knowing that if he saw her contempt outright, he might not be so willing to help. "Tell me what I did wrong."

After a long exchange and her promise that he would have whatever he wanted in the new world, he finally answered her request. "You need to sacrifice a heart."

"I sacrificed my prized steed." Before she knew what was going on, his hand was wrapped tightly around her neck, his face only inches from her own.

"A horse? This is the curse to end all curses, you think a horse is gonna do?" He yelled at her. "Great power requires great sacrifice. The heart you need must come from something far more..." he pressed the tip of his nose to hers, "precious."

"Tell me what will suffice." She had to force herself to not struggle against his grip. He might have his hand around her throat, but she was in charge here. He was the one behind bars after all.

"The heart of the thing you love most."

His words sent a shooting pain through her chest. She quickly pulled from his grip in anger. "What I love most died because of Snow White."

"Is that so?"

Studying him, she found the wide smile on his face to be unsettling. "Is there something you know that I don't?"

"There is someone, dearie, who is very much alive."

He was mistaken, of that she was sure. She tried to reign in her anger, but she responded through clenched teeth, "the only love that I had left was my horse, and now she's gone as well. There is no one left." Those words pained her more than she ever could have imagined. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, she was truly alone in this world.

"That's where you're wrong." He said in a sing-song voice, tapping his finger underneath her chin, a glint in his eyes.

She pulled her face from his touch quickly, swatting his hand away in the process. "Then tell me who it is!"

He tilted his head, his smile fading, a seriousness taking over his expression. "Would you do _anything_ to enact this curse?" He asked softly, the usual exuberance gone from his voice.

"You know I would."

He studied Regina closely. "Anything and everything?"

"Yes! Now tell me who it is!" She was done waiting for his instructions. With the anger brewing inside of her, she knew it was only a matter of seconds before she would snap.

"Someone close to you. Someone very, very close to you." She started to open her mouth to yell at him again, but he quickly added, "someone that you never thought you'd see again, but has suddenly reappeared in your life."

He couldn't possibly be talking about- she took a step backwards, sneering at him. "How do you know about that?"

He mirrored her actions, taking a step backwards and out of her reach. He grinned at her, a wide, knowing smile. "It's the only way to enact the curse. Sacrifice her heart and it will be done."

"She is a stranger to me! I've never seen her before. I do not love her."

"Then it shouldn't be hard for you to kill her. Sacrifice her heart and you will get the revenge you desire." Turning his back on her, he disappeared into the shadows of his prison, effectively ending the conversation.

She stared into the darkness, wanting to force him to tell her everything that he knew. He had told her what was required to enact the curse, which was what she came here to find, but now he left her wanting more just like he always did. Fighting the urge to call him out, she instead used her powers to travel back to her castle.

Once she was back home, she acted on autopilot, flicking her wrist in the direction of the fireplace, igniting it to give the room some semblance of warmth. She walked with a purpose towards her mirror, ordering it to show her the prisoner. A few moments later, the woman's face appeared. Regina stared at it, searching for any sings of familiarity.

All she had to do to get her revenge was to kill this stranger. This one person stood in between her and the end of Snow White's happiness, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. The curse was designed to require the one enacting it to sacrifice everything, but in killing the stranger, she would sacrifice nothing of herself.

It made no sense that this stranger would be the key to enacting the curse. Unless...

She shook her head at the thought. It couldn't possibly be true.

Walking over to the fireplace, she thought of the events of the previous day. She couldn't imagine how Rumpelstiltskin knew of what had occurred; how his magic worked always puzzled Regina. The fact that he encouraged the killing of the prisoner made Regina hesitate. His actions were never pure at heart. She knew that he had a hidden agenda, especially since he refused to answer any of her questions about the prisoner's identity. Her instincts told her to wait. This was not a decision that needed to be made in haste, especially considering the prisoner's words might be true.

She needed to know more before she made any decisions. Leaning on the mantle, she knew her answers laid stories below her in the dungeon. If she was going to figure out the correct path to take, she would have to revisit the prisoner. The last thing she wanted was to risk bringing back painful memories, but she had to know the truth. She had to know why this woman was the key to enacting the curse, no matter what it cost her.

...

_She hadn't seen Regina all morning and it was nearing midday. After a long breakfast with the King that Regina never showed up to, Emma began searching the castle for any trace of the brunette. She had searched all of the North Wing, but found no sign of Regina. In various rooms, she would ask if anyone had seen the princess, but no one had. She was about to go back to her quarters in defeat when she found a darkened corridor that she had yet to explore. Grabbing the last lit torch at the entrance of the hallway, she headed into the shadows._

_The South Wing she found to be completely unlike the rest of the castle. It was deserted, a thick layer of dust coating everything within. It was clear that it hadn't been occupied in some time. She could feel that she didn't belong here. Whatever it was that kept this part of the castle frozen in time had nothing to do with her, but she could sense that Regina was nearby. Her need to find the brunette outweighed her desire to leave. Slowly, she explored each room of the wing, disturbing as little of the rooms as possible. Towards the end of the fourth floor, she found a long hallway, lined with mirrors on one side and windows on the other. She followed it to the end, where it terminated in a large room._

_Stopping in the doorway, Emma examined the sight before her. The room was almost a perfect circle, with eight walls, each one bearing a large pointed archway. Although it was the largest room she had found in the South Wing, it was nearly vacant. A large, ornate mirror hung on one wall, a vanity was pushed against another. There were cobwebs strewn about, covering the few items of furniture. She could barely make out a balcony emerging from one of the archways to her right. Taking a few steps closer, Emma's heart skipped a beat._

_Regina stood on the balcony, overlooking the woods below, her arms wrapped around her stomach, as though she were trying to comfort herself. Emma's chest ached at the thought. After depositing the torch in an empty bracket on the wall, she hesitated, unsure of whether to interrupt Regina in a moment as private as this._

_"I'm sorry I didn't make it to breakfast," Regina said softly, her gaze still focused on the view before her._

_Emma was surprised to hear her talk, thinking Regina was unaware of her presence. Taking a few tentative steps closer to the balcony, she replied, "it's alright. Your father was great company." When Regina remained silent, Emma decided that she should leave. She could tell that she didn't belong there. "I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'll go."_

_"No," Regina said quickly, turning to look at Emma for the first time. Emma stared at her, wishing for the ability to read thoughts so that she would know what to do to best serve Regina in this moment. The brunette held out her hand to Emma and whispered, "come here."_

_Emma moved through the dark room, her footsteps echoing on the stone floor. When she reached Regina, she took the brunette's hand in her own and gave her a small smile, wanting to offer up some source of comfort. Regina took in a deep breath then forced a smile of her own. "Something is wrong," Emma stated, sure of her words. Regina nodded._

_"I have something I have to tell you."_

_"Alright." She squeezed Regina's hand, wanting to reassure the brunette._

_Regina looked down to their joined hands and whispered, "There is no easy way to tell you this... but I am engaged to be married."_

_The words hit Emma like an arrow to the heart. She stared blankly at Regina, hearing the woman's words echo in her head, but not fully able to comprehend them. "But, last night..."_

_"I know. I shouldn't have done what I did and I am truly sorry for that. You deserve so much more than that." Regina squeezed her hand once then let it go, Emma's arm falling limply to her side. Regina turned back towards the view and leaned on the rail of the balcony, unable to meet Emma's eyes any longer._

_"Do you love him?" She didn't know what made her ask it, but she was nearly terrified of the answer._

_"No," Regina said simply, causing a wave of relief to flood Emma's system. "But I don't have a choice. My father arranged the marriage to pay back a debt he owed to a ruler of a distant kingdom. The King saved his life many years ago in battle, and when the King had two sons, my father promised my hand to the younger, effectively giving him our kingdom when my father dies. It was arranged when I was nine. I never had a choice."_

_Emma looked up to Regina, her eyes locked on the brunette's back. She didn't care about the history behind the deal, but her heart ached for the woman standing before her. It was clear that Regina was tormented by the arrangement. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Regina turned around, eyes finally meeting hers, a questioning look held within them._

_"What for?"_

_"That you're being forced into marriage. I wish I could save you from everything." She knew she'd never spoken truer words. She'd give everything up for Regina's happiness._

_Regina studied her, her gaze resembling the way she looked at Emma the night before, filled with adoration and hope. "Thank you," she whispered, "but I'll be alright. Graham is nice enough. He treats me with more respect than most men I've met in my life. I will survive."_

_Emma took the few steps up to Regina, wanting to be as close to the brunette as possible, so that Regina could see the truth in her eyes as well as hear it in her words. "I wish you could do more than just survive... I wish that you could be content."_

_Regina hesitated, her eyes locked on Emma's, then leaned in, placing a light kiss to Emma's cheek. Pulling back, she said, "I wish that we both could be content."_

_Emma took in a deep breath, her heart racing in her chest. The memories of the night before flooded her senses. She could still feel Regina's lips on her own. She was almost afraid to ask the question that burned in her mind, but she knew she would never sleep again if she didn't. "Last night... did it mean anything to you?"_

_Regina looked at her with surprise. Squeezing her hand, she whispered, "you know that it did."_

_Regina was right; she did know it. She felt it last night, and she could feel it now. There wasn't a moment that they had spent together that Regina hadn't been completely genuine with her. She knew that it was one of the reasons why she had developed feelings for Regina. "And if you weren't engaged?"_

_Regina smiled sadly at her, then answered truthfully, "then I would have been honored to surrender my heart to you."_

_Emma's heart skipped a beat. For a moment she felt a happiness unlike anything she had ever known before, but the reality of their situation came back to her. Her stomach churned as she said, "and I would have done anything to give you the future that you deserve."_

_Regina reached up, stroking Emma's cheek lightly. "I think that it would be best for both of us if we stopped this from progressing any further."_

_She felt her chest constrict but nodded, knowing that Regina was right. The thought of never seeing the brunette again killed her, but what other choice did they have? She took Regina's hand in her own and gently kissed her palm. "I'll leave today."_

_The weight of Emma's words nearly crushed her soul. She nodded once, then looked away from Emma's gaze to the room surrounding her. She forced herself to bury the tears, but knew that it would only last so long before she would break completely. "Lunch will be ready shortly. We should go." Regina said, pulling away, and headed towards the door._

_Emma followed a few steps behind her but stopped in the doorway. Her eyes followed Regina as she walked down the long hallway, her head bowed in defeat. The last thing she wanted was to leave Regina to the life she's obligated to live, but she knew that Regina needed her to do this. It pained them both, but it was the only way._

...

Taking in a deep breath, she wondered again what was going on. Apparently someone had cast some kind of a spell on either her or Regina to keep them apart. It was the only explanation for why Regina was so adamant that Emma wasn't herself. No matter what had happened, it was clear that the next time she saw Regina, she needed to make sure she broke through to her. It might be the last chance she got.

She shivered at the thought of Regina murdering people. The words had come from Regina's own lips, but she couldn't believe that her Regina would ever cause harm to another human being. That wasn't like the woman she fell in love with, but clearly Regina had changed a great deal in the last eight years. None of what she had seen from the Queen had resembled the woman that she once knew.

The door opened, pulling her out of her thoughts. She looked up from her place on the floor as Regina entered the small room, waving the guard out. When the door closed behind him, leaving them alone again, Emma stood and walked up to the bars. "Regina," she said softly.

The brunette stared at her for what felt like eternity, then started, her tone of voice almost matching the voice Emma remembered hearing all those years ago, "when I left before, you said something to me..."

Emma nodded. "I promised you that I would always find you. On that bridge, that terrible day, I promised you that no matter what I would come back to you." She felt such hope that this was it. This was the moment when Regina was going to finally believe her.

Regina studied her face carefully, searching for some sign of the truth. "If you are who you say you are, then why can't I see that it's you?"

She shook her head, not having worked out all of the details yet herself. "There must be some magic trying to keep us apart. Your father must have cast some sort of a spell on one of us."

"My father? What does he have to do with this?" Regina asked, anger flaring in her eyes.

"He was the one that banished me to the middle of nowhere. He must have known that I would find my way back to you, so he cast another spell to keep us apart even when we're together." She wrapped her fingers around the bars separating her from Regina, holding them tightly, as though they were her lifeline to the woman in front of her.

"But he told me that you-" Regina shook her head, "-that Emma died. Why would he lie to me?"

"I don't know, but I promise you, Regina, it's really me. I am not dead. I am right here, and I found you again, just like I promised you I would." Her voice was gentle. She tried to pour all the love in her heart into her words. "Just give me a chance to prove that I am who I say I am."

"If I trust you, it could cost me my life. If you're working for Snow White-"

"I'm not." Emma said emphatically.

Regina shot her a glare and continued, "if you're working for Snow White, and I let you go free, you could wind up killing me."

"I'm not working for Snow. It's me, Regina. Snow isn't aware of half of the things I've already told you, nobody is. You know that I would hold our parting words as being sacred. I would never repeat them to a soul. They were words meant only for your ears." Regina seemed to soften a bit, which pushed Emma to talk further. "Nobody knows the intimate details of the months that we spent together. You know how private of a person I am. Yes, I told Snow that we were happy and of the minutiae of our days, but the important things I kept for myself alone. I would _never_ repeat what you said to me in those moments to anyone."

Regina tore her eyes away, turning and taking a few steps towards one of the stone walls. "I mourned Emma," she said so softly that the words nearly didn't reach Emma's ears. "I spent months wandering through the woods, searching for any sign of her grave." She turned, her eyes meeting Emma's once again. She took the few steps back to the bars of Emma's cell. "I nearly died because my grief consumed me so deeply," she said in a stronger voice, the pain laced in her tone.

"I'm so sorry that you suffered so much. I wish that I could undo everything that's happened." Emma said softly. Stretching her arm through the bars, she reached out her hand towards Regina's cheek. Lightly, she stroked Regina's soft skin, her eyes locked on the brunette's. Regina remained motionless, giving Emma hope that Regina was finally giving in to her.

"How am I supposed to believe that everything I've done since then was in error? How am I supposed to believe that my Emma never died when I know that I mourned her?" Regina stared into her eyes. Emma could tell that she wanted to believe, but something was holding her back.

For once, she didn't have an answer. Everything that Regina had gone through was based on lies. She didn't know how Regina was supposed to give up what she thought she had known to be true. "I don't know... but I do know that we have been granted a second chance, Regina. We can get through this together if you'll just let me in." Emma watched as a myriad of emotions flickered through Regina's eyes. It had been such a long time since she had seen those eyes. "I love you so much," she whispered.

Regina's gaze changed abruptly, her walls going back up right in front of Emma's eyes. She suddenly pulled away, turning her back towards the blonde. Emma gripped the bars again and studied Regina's form. It had been the wrong thing to say, she knew that when the last word left her lips, but she couldn't help it. She needed Regina to know how much she cared for her. Maybe that would be key to getting the brunette to open up. Before Emma knew what was happening, Regina had opened the door to the room and was starting to leave.

"Wait!" Emma called out. Regina froze. Slowly, she turned to look at Emma. Their eyes met. Emma could feel her pulse hammering in her ears. "You're not going to tell me what you plan to do next?"

"Truthfully... I don't know what to do next." Regina said softly then turned back to the door.

Emma watched as she left, yearning to go with her. At least she had managed to somewhat get through to Regina. If Regina really didn't believe her, she would have said so. The doubt in her eyes was all Emma needed to give her hope that their future together could be restored.


	5. You Know That I Will Follow You

**A/N:** I am not entirely thrilled with this chapter, but I'm on vacation for the next week so I wanted to get this posted today. The rest of the story is pretty much outlined, just waiting to be written, which I've been having trouble with lately. But I am working as fast as I possibly can to get this updated for you guys, I promise.

The action picks up more in the next chapter. I realize this story is a little slow, but I'm trying to be as true to how I believe Regina would act in this situation, so it's going to take her a little while to open up. This is about their struggle to reconnect- it's a feelings story- so its pace is probably going to be slower than a lot of the stories on this site. But the pace will change after this chapter.

A super huge thank you to everyone who is reading and has reviewed/subscribed/favorited this story. I love you all more than words can say :)

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><p>She awoke with a start. Glancing over her surroundings, she wondered where she was. Sleeping on the cold stone floor, on a small pile of straw?<p>

"Get up!"

Her eyes darted towards the deep voice. The sight of the guard on the other side of the prison bars reminded her of the hell of the last few days. She sat up, running her fingers through her messy hair. What she would give for a bath.

"I said get up!"

"Alright, there's no need to yell." She grumbled as she pushed herself to her feet. The guard unlocked the door to her cell and opened it, looking at her menacingly. "You're taking me somewhere?" She asked. Even though she still had the feeling that she was safe within these walls, no matter where she might be in the castle, the way the guard was looking at her made her stomach churn.

"The Queen wishes to see you."

"Oh, well... lead the way then." She walked towards the open doorway, a feeling of optimism overtaking her. But the moment she stepped outside of her cage, the guard pushed her roughly against a wall, forcing all of the air out of her lungs. She coughed violently as he tied restraints around her wrists.

"Come on."

He pulled her out of the room, nearly dragging her all of the way to Regina's chambers. She was just managing to get her breathing under control when they arrived at the doorway to the Queen's chambers. The guard pushed Emma inside roughly, causing her to fall to her knees on the floor, her bound hands barely saving her face from slamming into the cold stones.

"You imbecile. Help her up!"

Emma recognized that voice. She smiled as the guard pulled her to her feet unceremoniously. Her eyes met Regina's. The brunette was standing by the fire place, a tight fitting maroon dress showing off the curves of her body. Regina raised an eyebrow at Emma then turned her attention to the guard, a sneer on her lips.

"Leave us."

Emma heard the door shut behind her and took a few steps closer to where Regina stood. Until she knew what Regina's intentions were, she didn't want to overstep any boundaries the brunette had firmly marked. "You sent for me?" She asked. There were a lot of things she wanted to say, but she knew she should let Regina direct this conversation.

Regina's eyes fixed firmly on the flames in the fireplace, she said resolutely, "I believe that you are who you say."

"You do?" She asked in disbelief.

Regina reluctantly looked back to her. "Yes... After thinking it through for many hours, I've come to the decision that what you've said is simply too accurate to be coincidental. My impulse is still to have you killed, but my mind won't have it. So I'm letting you go free." She waved her hand in the direction of Emma's bound wrists. The ropes fell to the floor, freeing her arms.

"Thank you," Emma said, relief flooding her senses. She took a few steps towards Regina. The brunette held up her hand. Emma halted, not of her own accord, but due to an invisible force holding her back. Regina was using magic on her?

"There's a carriage waiting for you outside. It will take you back to Snow White's castle."

Emma's heart dropped in her chest. "What? But I don't want to go back."

Regina looked at her curiously. "You don't belong here, no matter who you truly are. Go back to Snow's and live the rest of your life there." Regina waved her hand in Emma's direction. Behind the blonde, the doors flew open, a clear invitation for Emma to leave. Regina turned back towards the fire, her gaze devoid of emotions.

Emma watched Regina's unmoving body for what felt like minutes. She had come this far; she wasn't about to give up now. A voice in the back of her mind told her that this was a bad idea, but she payed it no attention. She marched up to Regina's side, causing the brunette to look up from the fire in surprise. Taking in a deep breath, Emma said, "I am not leaving you. I have fought far too hard to give up now, simply because there is some curse still keeping us apart."

Her words seemed to make something inside Regina snap. The brunette turned towards her fully, anger reigning in her eyes. "What do you think will happen if you stay? That I will magically revert to the girl of eight years ago? That I will fall in love with you all over again? That you and I will live _happily ever after_?" She said the last part with pure disgust. Her eyes were angry, but Emma felt no fear for herself, only sadness for Regina.

"Yes," she answered simply.

Regina studied her, dark eyes staring into her own in silence, searching for something. Emma wished that she could decipher what Regina was feeling, but the brunette's gaze was blank. Suddenly, Regina pulled away, turning her focus back to the fire. "You will get in that carriage or I will have you thrown back into the dungeon. It is your choice."

She knew that it was a dangerous game that she was about to play, but she had to take the risk. Her future with Regina was worth it. "No."

Regina looked at her furiously. Through clenched teeth, she said, "make a decision, or I will make one for you, and believe me, you won't like it."

"If you truly believe that I am who I say I am- and I believe that you do- you would never have me thrown in the dungeon. And I will not leave you, not now, or ever. We belong together, Regina." Emma held her breath, hoping that she knew Regina as well as she thought she did. Regina's anger faded slowly, but Emma could still tell that the brunette was on edge.

Regina turned back to the fire and asked quietly, "so what is it that you want from me?"

"I want you to let me stay."

She leaned on the mantle, acting almost as if she hadn't heard Emma's request. Slowly, she nodded once. Through clenched teeth, she said, "fine. I will have one of the guest rooms prepared for you. Now leave."

"But-"

"I don't care where you go, just leave my sight now!"

Emma hesitated unmoving. The last thing she wanted was to leave. She wanted the happy reunion that she had spent the last eight years dreaming about, but with the way that Regina was staring into the flames, her eyes empty, Emma knew that she had no choice. She had to leave. She had gotten the first thing that she needed- Regina to believe her. Now it was on to the next step, getting Regina to remember how to love her, and that would take time.

"Thank you for letting me stay," she whispered and took a step backwards. When Regina didn't acknowledge her words, she turned to go.

She left the room breathless, wishing that the scene that had just played out had gone more smoothly. Traveling down the mirrored hall slowly, she let herself think of the last time she had been within these particular walls. It was only once, but the memories of that day were etched in her mind forever.

...

_Emma spent the afternoon repacking her belongings. When she was ready to leave, she headed towards Regina's quarters. The brunette had disappeared after lunch without a word, and Emma knew it wasn't by accident. After knocking and receiving no response, she tentatively pushed the door open. The rooms were empty, and looking upon Regina's desk, Emma found no note goodbye. She took in a deep breath and nodded to herself. She thought it best that Regina was nowhere to be found. It would be easier for them both this way. With one last look around, she silently wished the brunette well, then headed off to see the King._

_She made up an excuse to leave- the messenger from Snow's had indicated that something was amiss at the castle- and Emma promised that she would be back soon, even though she knew she never would. The King embraced her warmly and then wished her well on her journey. Heading to the stables, she tried to shake off the feeling that leaving would only cause her and Regina both more misery._

_Once her horse was saddled up, she thanked the stable boy and headed out, towards the gate to the castle. She let her mind wander to where Regina was and what she was doing at that moment. She wondered if she was the only one with an empty feeling inside her. When she came upon the gate, a guard motioned for her attention. She pulled her horse to a stop and looked down at the man._

_"From the Princess," he said and held out a letter._

_Emma took it and thanked him, tucking the letter into her coat, then headed through the gate and out into the snow-covered forest. Once she was far enough away from the castle, she pulled the letter out and broke the seal. She read it twice, to make sure her eyes were not deceiving her, then kicked her heels into her horse's flanks._

_She followed the crude map on the letter, heading deeper into the woods, turning left at the first fork in the road when she should have gone right. The trees flew by as she pushed her horse to go faster. When she came upon the river, she tightened on the reigns, slowing her horse to a walk. Through a clearing, she could see another horse drinking water from the banks. When she caught sight of Regina, her heart skipped a beat._

_Regina was standing on the bridge, looking down into the water below. Emma swiftly dismounted her horse then tied the reins loosely around a nearby tree branch. She walked to the bridge, halting when Regina finally came back into view. The brunette looked up, her face changing from resignation to hope. A smile tinted with sadness formed on her lips._

_"I almost thought you weren't going to come," she said._

_"Of course I came." Emma closed the gap between them, reaching up to stroke Regina's cheek. Her face contorted in worry. "You're freezing." Emma pulled off her coat and wrapped it around Regina's shoulders, over the brunette's own cloak._

_Regina let out a deep breath. "I've been out here a while."_

_"Waiting for me?" Emma asked. Regina nodded._

_"And thinking... about our situation."_

_Emma's hands ran up and down the outside of Regina's arms, attempting to help her warm up. Slowly, she said, "I thought our situation had been decided?" Regina looked out to the river, cold breath escaping her lips, hanging in the air between them. When it was clear that she wasn't going to respond, Emma whispered, "Regina..."_

_She shook her head gently. "I know... I know that we decided that there was only one thing we could do, but I can't-" Regina's pleading eyes met hers again, "I can't lose you. I can't just let you leave, to never see you again. I can't do it, Emma." A tear escaped, falling down her cheek. Emma pulled her close, wrapping her arms tight around Regina's small frame. She barely managed to hear the soft whisper. "I can't turn into her."_

_She had a feeling that those final words were not meant for her ears, so she pushed the questions that arose to the back of her mind. Her fingers gently stroked Regina's hair as she held her tighter. "If you want me to stay, I will. I will do anything that you ask of me."_

_Regina pulled back, her eyes meeting Emma's. "Then stay... please stay."_

_"Alright. I will." She gave Regina a small smile, hoping to comfort her in some small way. Regina returned it as another tear fell down her cheek. "We'll get through this. Whatever happens, we will figure it out together." She said, taking both of Regina's hands in her own and giving them a gentle squeeze. "We will get through this."_

_Regina nodded then whispered, "okay."_

_She raised a hand to Regina's cheek, gently wiping one then the other dry. "Now let's get you back home before you catch cold, alright?" When Regina nodded, Emma started to lead her off the bridge, but Regina stopped suddenly._

_"Emma?" There was a tremor in Regina's voice._

_Turning towards her, Emma saw the fear in her eyes. "Yes?"_

_"Until we know what our plans are, no one should know about everything that's happened between us. It would be too dangerous for you."_

_"Are you concerned about something in particular?" Regina shook her head no, but Emma could see the truth in her eyes. She wondered what the words were that Regina was too afraid to speak. Slowly, she nodded. "Alright. No one will know a thing."_

_Regina reached up, placing her hand on Emma's cheek. Her thumb ran lightly over Emma's bottom lip. Slowly, she leaned in, her lips meeting Emma's in a soft kiss. When she pulled back, she whispered, "thank you."_

_"Anything for you."_

_Regina smiled brightly at her, the hope returning to her eyes. "Let's go home," she said gently, then lead Emma off the bridge towards where their horses waited on the banks of the river._

Home. _The word ignited something inside of Emma that she'd never felt before._

...

Emma spent the next few days wandering the castle, attempting to pass the time without dwelling too much on the past or her pending future. Each morning, she asked Regina's handmaiden to see the brunette, and each morning the handmaiden returned telling her that Regina did not wish to be bothered. Five days passed without any sight of the brunette, leaving Emma feeling restless. She wasn't used to being stationary for long, so spending countless days within the walls of Regina's castle was slowly driving her mad.

On the sixth day, Emma wandered throughout the South Wing of the castle aimlessly, trying to walk off the edginess that she was feeling. A few mindless turns and she found herself at the mouth of the passageway to the North Wing. The corridor was dark and abandoned. She hesitated, not sure she wanted to revisit the rooms that had been witness to her most precious memories. But part of her needed to see the old wing, if only to help her remember all of the reasons why she was fighting to break through to Regina. She grabbed a torch off the wall and started down the corridor.

"Halt!"

Turning around, she saw two guards standing a few paces behind her, their eyes trained on her. "What?" She asked aggravated at the sudden intrusion.

"No one is to travel into the North Wing. It is forbidden." One of the guards said, taking a few threatening steps closer.

Now that she knew that Regina believed in her true identity, she was confident that no one would dare harm her. "I'm sure the Queen wouldn't mind if I took an hour to look around," she said, turning back towards the pathway to the wing. Before she could take a step, the torch was pulled out of her hand and she was shoved hard against a wall.

"We'll see what the Queen has to say about that." She heard a voice from behind her say.

She was pulled from the wall and then pushed forward, the guard ordering her to walk. Once again, she was marched to Regina's quarters on the fourth floor. At least she would be allowed to see Regina again, she thought. Something good was coming from this. She was pulled into the room by one of the guards. Regina sat regally in one of her arm chairs, staring into space absentmindedly.

"Pardon, your majesty." Regina looked up towards the guard when her gaze landed on Emma. An eyebrow raised in surprise. "She was found attempting to go into the North Wing."

Regina stared at Emma for a moment, then waved off the guards. When they were left alone, Emma took a few steps closer to where Regina sat, their gaze never breaking. Emma felt the hairs rise on the back of her neck, anxious at being under Regina's careful scrutiny. "Your guards are a little rough," she muttered, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"Are you hurt?" Regina's face remained impassive.

"Not too bad. I've been through worse."

Regina regarded her for a moment then turned her eyes back to the fire, saying, "if my guards are so unwelcoming, you are free to leave the castle. No one is requiring you to stay here."

Emma caught sight of something reflective sitting in Regina's lap. It was the mirror that Regina had given to her on the bridge. Regina was clutching it tightly with one hand, her knuckles ghost white. "You say that as though you don't care if I stay or not."

Regina hesitated for a moment then answered, "I don't."

Emma felt her stomach churn. "You're lying. Why would you allow me to stay if you didn't care?" She studied the look of indifference on her face, trying to find any glimpse of emotion that could give her some hope. When Regina remained silent, she added, "you can tell me all the lies that you want, but I know what's in your heart, Regina. I know how much you love me."

"I feel nothing for you!" Regina turned towards her, fury reigning in her eyes. "You are a stranger to me. There is nothing that I would like more than for you to leave and never return."

The words felt like an arrow to the heart. Emma watched as Regina stood, clutching the mirror tightly in her hand, and turned away from her. She walked towards the vanity and gingerly laid the mirror down on it. Emma took a few steps closer, her eyes tracing over Regina's reflection in the mirror, and whispered, "you don't really believe that it's me."

Regina took in a deep breath, then looked up into the mirror in front of her, her hard gaze meeting Emma's. "I do," she said firmly. "Despite everything in me telling me not to believe it, I know that it's you, Emma. But we do not have a future together. I don't love you, and you can never love me."

"You're wrong. I do love you."

Regina shook her head, her eyes falling back down to the mirror on the table. "You don't love me. You just love the memories of who I used to be, but I am not that girl anymore."

Emma moved closer, until she was standing beside Regina. She wanted to reach out, to give Regina some physical reassurance of how deeply she cared for her, but she knew touching Regina would do more harm than good. Softly, she said, "I know that you've changed, as have I, but that doesn't mean that we're not still destined to be together. Everyone changes, Regina, it's a part of life-"

"I want you to leave. What part of that don't you understand?" Regina said, turning towards her sharply. Emma took a step backwards, surprised at the animosity in Regina's words.

"All of it... Regina-" she reached out for the brunette's hand, but stopped before her fingertips touched skin. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, trying to will away the tears that were forming. Softly, she pleaded, "I don't know what to do if I can't be with you. I don't think I will survive living without you..." Regina's eyes softened, her anger fading. Emma took it as a sign of hope and continued, "please, let me stay. I need this, Regina, I need you. I need you to just give us a chance. If only for one month, let's try to recapture the future we once had together. If you still wish me to leave after a month, I will. I will do whatever you ask of me."

Regina stared at her for a long moment, eyes searching her own, for what Emma was unsure. Slowly, Regina nodded once. She looked down to the vanity. Emma's gaze followed hers to the mirror sitting on the table top. Regina drew in a deep breath and said, "very well. I will give you one month."

"Thank you," Emma whispered.

Regina looked back up to her and shook her head. "But do not expect anything to change. Our future was destroyed many years ago. There is no hope for us anymore. The sooner you realize that, the easier it will be for you."

Emma watched as Regina pulled away from her and walked steadily towards a doorway on the opposite side of the room. Regina slipped through it without so much as a glance back, and Emma knew that their conversation was over. She was making progress, even though it didn't feel like it. She now had time on her side. It wasn't much, she knew, but it was a start.


	6. These Tears I've Cried

**A/N**: Happy Stable Boy Sunday.

Thanks so much to everyone who's reading and reviewing. Your feedback always makes me smile.

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><p>It had been a few days since she had last seen Emma. She took care to avoid the blonde at all costs, spending most days locked away in her chambers, trying to sort through the mess of feelings that she was suddenly overwhelmed with. But she awoke this morning suddenly feeling restless and decided to venture into her gardens, despite the thin layer of snow that had fallen overnight. Sitting under her tree, looking out to the river in the distance, she thought over the events of the past week.<p>

Before, she had been so determined to enact the curse, thinking that by this point everyone would be in the other realm now, deprived of their happy endings for all eternity just like she had been. Even now, she still wanted revenge, but for the first time in eight years, it wasn't the most important thing to her anymore. She didn't know what she wanted from the future. Even though she was certain that this stranger was her Emma, she knew there was no hope for them to rekindle the love they lost so long ago. Everything was too different now. _She_ was so different now.

Even though Emma proclaimed her love for Regina every time Regina tried to push her away, Regina knew that the blonde was clutching firmly to the past. She had no idea of the things that Regina had done in the last eight years, no clue who Regina truly was now. If Emma knew how dark Regina's soul was, she would run as far away as possible. No matter what happened between them, Regina was still destined to end up alone. There was no hope for them.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to come out of your chambers." Regina turned to find Emma standing behind her, a small smirk on her lips. When Regina remained silent, the blonde walked closer. Standing just beneath the tree, she reached up and gently ran her fingers across an apple hanging from a low branch. Her eyes met Regina's. "May I?"

"If you wish."

Emma pulled the apple from the tree, giving it the once over then a buff on her sleeve. She bit into the apple and smiled. After swallowing, she said, "as perfect as ever. I'm glad to see that some things never change."

"It's the only thing that hasn't," Regina said darkly. Emma raised an eyebrow at her.

"How about we forget about that for a while and just spend some time together talking? Just you and I underneath this tree like we used to."

The hope that shined in Emma's eyes made Regina hesitate. She wanted to tell Emma to leave again. She wanted to protect her heart, keep it from getting too attached to having someone around. She was used to her solitude. Over the years she had grown to prefer being alone over the company of others, but now she wasn't so sure. The idea of having a real conversation with someone who wasn't an adversary, or whatever she and Maleficent were to one another, it almost excited her. It had been such a long time since she had had someone to talk with. Slowly, she nodded. "I suppose a conversation is not too much to ask for."

"Thank you," Emma said with an easy smile and settled on the bench beside Regina, not too close, but not very far away either. Her eyes glanced over the view in front of them, chasing the river down to where it disappeared behind the mountains. "Even though I've been over countless kingdoms in the past few years, this is still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." She turned to Regina, a tender smile spreading over her lips. "Well... second most beautiful anyway."

Regina pushed the warm feeling in her chest to the back of her mind. She would not allow herself to feel anything for this woman sitting beside her. She forced a smile at Emma and looked away, saying, "you always were one for cheesy lines." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the smile fall from Emma's lips. The lump that formed in her throat was something she was unaccustomed to feeling.

"Yeah, well, like I said, some things never change."

The silence that settled between them was uncomfortable, both women wanting to say more, but neither knowing how to start. Regina thought back to times past, how it had never been a struggle to talk to Emma before. Conversation between them had always flown naturally. Ever since the first night that they met, they had always been at ease with one another, until now. She turned her head slightly to study the blonde, wondering what was floating through her mind.

Emma's eyes met hers, a hesitant smile spreading across her lips. Regina tried to return it, but found that she couldn't. She didn't know when the last time she had smiled was. It was just one more thing that separated her from the girl that Emma used to know. She stood up suddenly, wanting to put as much distance between herself and memories of the past as possible.

"I should be going," she said, her voice cracking. She started to walk back towards the doors to the castle, but a hand grabbed her own, halting her motion. She gave Emma her best glare, but the blonde only held on tighter.

"Aren't you getting tired of being alone?"

Her breath caught in her throat. She _was_ tired of it, she was so exhausted by it. She wanted nothing more than to have someone she could share moments with, someone to talk to, someone to distract her from the darkness that consumed her. But no matter what she wanted, the truth was that she always ended up alone. No matter how much she gave of herself to others, they always left her. This situation wasn't going to end any differently.

"Don't presume that you know _anything_ about me." She answered darkly, snatching her hand away from Emma's and stalking towards the castle doors.

"I've been alone for eight years, Regina."

She heard the words come from behind her. Emma's voice was strong like it always was, as though Regina's attempts to push her away only made her more determined to break through her walls. Regina slowed her gait without thinking, and silently cursed herself for showing any interest in what the blonde had to say.

"I'm tired of being alone," Emma continued. "And I want _you_ to be the one that makes it go away. I want you to make me forget what that word means, and I want to do the same for you. I want to make you happy again."

Regina could tell Emma was only a few feet behind her, studying her. Slowly, she turned, her eyes meeting Emma's. Trying desperately to shake off the feelings rising within her, she shook her head and lied to the woman standing before her. "I am _not_ lonely. I have been perfectly fine for the past eight years. If you want someone to take your loneliness away, I suggest you start looking elsewhere, because you will _not_ find that person here."

Without waiting for a response, she turned on her heel and stalked into the castle, the anger pulsing through her veins. She hated to admit it, even to herself, but she wanted the things that Emma spoke of more than she could say. She yearned for the loneliness to disappear more than anything else. After eight years of near isolation, the solitude had become one of her most powerful motivators. It drove her to seek revenge on everyone that had the happiness that she so desperately sought, even those who had done her no harm.

Making her way up to her quarters, she tried to bury the feelings that were threatening to boil over. Even though she had given her word for a month's time, there was a part of her that never wanted to see that woman again. Every conversation with her brought forth the fears that Regina held about her future, that there was no hope for her, that she was destined to be alone. That no matter how much she desired it, she would never know true happiness again. For that, the brunette found herself suddenly despising Emma's presence within her castle. Even though she knew that Emma's intentions were pure, it did nothing to calm the rage brewing within her.

She wondered if things would be different if she could see that it was truly Emma. Perhaps staring into the face of a stranger while being forced to speak of intimate things was the real source of her anger. She had always been somewhat guarded with others, allowing only her closest friends to see her in vulnerable moments. And now, suddenly having her deepest thoughts and feelings exposed by someone who she had first come face to face with a fortnight ago, it had to be contributing to her ire. Although she knew it was Emma, the eyes staring back at her weren't. She didn't know how to ignore that.

Settling into a chair in her quarters, she flicked her wrist at the fire place, the flames springing to life before her eyes. She knew her behavior towards Emma was detestable, but every time the blonde pushed her just a bit, Regina felt herself snap. Hours later, when she was alone again, her emotions under control, Regina always hated herself for treating the blonde so brutally. Silently, she vowed to do better next time. The last thing Regina wanted was for Emma to see her as a monster, even though, deep within her heart, she knew that was what she had become.

The hand mirror was laying on the table beside her. Her heart broke each time she looked at its cracked face, memories of the last time she saw Emma flickering through her mind. At first, she tried to hide the mirror away, storing it deep within the bottom drawer of her dresser, but still she thought of it constantly. The following day, she dug the mirror back out, keeping it with her ever since. She discovered that, even though it gave her great pain, there was some comfort in dwelling in the past. It numbed her from the realities of her present and the darkness of her future. That was the best she could hope for now.

...

_Nearly a month had gone since Emma had decided to stay at Regina's castle. The time passed quickly, the girls spending every waking moment with one another. Most days were spent inside, usually in the library or the solarium, as the winter had turned out to be a harsh one. They had settled into a comfortable rhythm with one another, and much to Emma's surprise, with the King as well. Emma found that one of her favorite times of the day was the evening hour when she would battle the King in a friendly game of chess while Regina played her piano nearby. The meaning of home no longer eluded her, for she knew she had found hers._

_She stood at the window of the music room and stared out into the night, watching the falling snow. Listening carefully to the notes being played on the piano a few paces behind her, she wondered what Regina felt when she played. The music always felt organic, as if it flowed out of Regina, an extension of her being. The tunes had always been lighthearted melodies before, but the tone of the evening had suddenly gone dark. The change stirred something inside of her. Her gaze wandered far across the garden to where the apple tree was being blanketed by snow._

_When she was left to her thoughts, questions arose about the things that Regina hadn't yet told her about. They had shared nearly everything with one another, but Emma could sense that Regina's history was colored by something dark that had yet to be mentioned. Regina deliberately avoided the topic, but there were subtle hints that screamed out to Emma in silent moments. She yearned to know everything about the brunette, but she could tell that Regina was holding back a part of herself. More than anything, Emma wanted to know that part of her. She wanted Regina to trust her deeply enough to be willing to bare all of her soul to her._

_The soft music of the piano suddenly fell silent. A few moments later, Emma heard footsteps on the tile behind her. Arms encircled her waist from behind, Regina's body pressing into her back. Emma smiled and leaned into Regina, wrapping her arms around the brunette's._

_"Your playing is as beautiful as ever," she said._

_"Thank you, dear." They stood in silence for a few moments, Emma gently stroking the skin of Regina's arms. Carefully, Regina whispered, "you seem far away tonight."_

_Emma momentarily stiffened, but forced herself to relax. She had always had a tendency to retreat into the recesses of her mind in an attempt at self-preservation, but that wasn't warranted here. Here she was free to say whatever she wanted without fearing for anything. She had no reasons to go back to her old ways._

_"Something is bothering you." Regina stated._

_Emma could hear the concern in her voice. She pulled out of Regina's grasp and turned to the brunette, finding her brow knitted in worry. "No," she said firmly, "everything is perfect here. Truly."_

_"Then what's going on?"_

_Emma smiled at her, reaching up and cupping Regina's cheek with her hand, stroking her skin with her thumb. "I'm just thinking, that's all. I promise you that there is nothing to worry about."_

_Regina studied her, curiosity in her eyes. "What are you thinking about?"_

_She knew there was no use trying to avoid the topic. It was clear Regina wasn't going to let her get out of this. "You," she answered._

_"Me?"_

_Emma nodded. She debated whether or not to tell Regina of her true thoughts, but with the way that Regina was looking at her, she knew she had to be honest. Carefully, she said, "when I first came here, that afternoon under your apple tree, you said that the tree held both happy and sad memories for you. Ever since then, I've wondered what happened that you were referring to. I feel like you've told me nearly everything there is to know about you, but you've only told me happy tales about yourself, nothing resembling a sad moment."_

_Regina forced a smile at her and nodded. "I have told you of nearly everything... everything except my mother."_

_Emma studied the darkness growing in Regina's eyes, needing to know everything that happened to cause that look. In a whisper, she asked, "what happened to her?" Regina's gaze dropped to the floor, prompting Emma to pull her closer, interlacing their fingers together. "If you don't wish to tell me, it's alright. You don't ever have to do anything you're not ready for."_

_"No," Regina searched her eyes, responding, "I want to tell you about her. I think that I need to. It's just been such a long time since I've thought much of her..." Regina squeezed Emma's hand then looked out to the tree in the gardens. "My mother... the sad memories that I was thinking of that day..." her eyes met Emma's again, "she died under that tree."_

_"I'm so sorry," she whispered._

_Regina's gaze dropped as she continued, "I was twelve when she- when it happened... I was the one who found her."_

_"That must have been so painful for you."_

_"It was. As far as I knew, everything was fine, until the moment when she was suddenly gone. I was completely unprepared for losing her."_

_"What happened to her?" Emma asked. Regina looked up to her suddenly, unshed tears in her eyes. Emma's heart jumped into her throat. She wanted nothing more than to protect Regina from all of the pain that she was feeling._

_"My mother... she killed herself." Without waiting for a response, Regina pulled away, turning her back to Emma, and walked over to stand beside her piano. Gently, she rested her hands on the instrument, letting it support some of her weight. Emma studied the defeated slope of her shoulders and neck, letting Regina's words sink in. Before she knew what she was doing, she walked up behind the brunette and placed a gentle hand on her forearm, mindful of the distance Regina seemed to want between them._

_"I am so sorry, Regina. So deeply sorry."_

_Regina took in a shaky breath and nodded. A few moments passed before her façade crumbled, her sobs filling the empty room. Emma pulled her into an embrace, wrapping her arms tightly around Regina's body. She listened to the cries of pain coming from Regina's lips, her heart breaking for the brunette. In all her life, she had never before known this much pain. It killed her to know Regina had suffered so much._

_As Regina's sobs faded away, her shaking subsiding, Emma gently rubbed her hand up and down Regina's back. Regina pulled away suddenly, hastily wiping at her cheeks. She avoided Emma's eyes as she whispered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break down like that."_

_"Hey..." Emma whispered, placing a finger under Regina's chin, forcing the brunette to meet her eyes, "you have nothing to apologize for, I promise you. Crying is a perfectly natural response."_

_"But you don't need to see me like this. This isn't what you're here for."_

_"Regina..." she took both of Regina's hands in her own, squeezing them gently. "I am here because I care so deeply for you. I want to know everything about you. I want to experience everything with you, the good and the bad. And this... I just want to help you. And it seems to me that what you need right now is to let everything out." Regina hesitated, the uncertainty written across her features. "Just talk to me, that's all I ask. And if you decide that you truly can't, then that's okay. But please, just try. Try to let some of it out," Emma pleaded._

_Regina studied the look in her eyes then nodded. "Alright."_

_"Thank you," she whispered, then gently led Regina over to the chaise lounge a few paces away. They settled down, Regina's hand still clutching hers tightly. "Only go as far as you're comfortable with. If you want to stop, we'll stop, alright?" Regina nodded, wiping away a stray tear. "You've never talked to anyone about this before, have you?"_

_"No, I haven't... after it happened, my father tried to act as though nothing had occurred. He refused to talk about it, even when I begged him to. His way of mourning her was to bury the pain and the guilt, and I suppose it worked for him, but it hasn't for me."_

_Not sure of what to say, she whispered, "you must miss her a lot."_

_"Keenly. My mother was an incredibly difficult woman. She was harsh and at times quite brutal. But there were moments, when it was just the two of us, that I could see her softer side. Those were usually the moments we spent out in the gardens, tending to our apple tree."_

_Emma squeezed Regina's hand in support, earning a half smile back from the brunette. "So she's where you got your love of gardening from?"_

_"Yes," Regina's smile darkened, "but for her, I think it was an escape... She was forced into marrying my father by her own, even though she loved another man. My father represented everything in her life that was wrong, so she hid away from him, stealing to the gardens whenever possible because she knew he would leave her alone there."_

_"Why couldn't she marry the man that she loved?"_

_Regina studied Emma's face, emotions flickering through her eyes. "He went away to war, promising he would return as soon as possible. But then her father forced her into marriage, and I was born, but I don't think she ever gave up hope... When I was twelve, he made good on his promise. He returned to her. But my father discovered them as they were trying to leave the castle, and he had the man killed."_

_The silence hung in the air between them. After a long moment of processing, Emma whispered, "I never would have guessed that your father would do that."_

_"I wouldn't have either. But he loved my mother, and I think he wanted nothing more than for her to love him. He didn't know how to deal with the idea of her leaving him, so he killed the one thing that stood between them. But she never recovered. A few weeks later, she was dead as well."_

_"She killed herself because she had lost her love, even when she had a daughter to care for?" Emma wondered out loud. Instantly, she wished she could take her words back, knowing it was the wrong thing to say. Regina nodded._

_"She did love me, but I know that she loved him more. Even though I was innocent in the matter, I was a connection to my father that she wished didn't exist. It was hard for her to ignore that. She blamed him for ruining her life, and sometimes that blame shifted on to me... Sometimes, I think she wished I'd never been born."_

_Emma's heart dropped in her chest. To hear Regina speak such words nearly broke her resolve not to cry. "I am so deeply sorry that you had to grow up like that."_

_Regina looked at her and shrugged. Emma squeezed her hand, causing Regina's grip to tighten. "I survived it. Even though things were difficult, she did care for me. I was the only thing that ever made her happy in this castle, I know that. She tried to do her best, but she was a very broken woman, and that can drive anyone to do unspeakable things."_

_Emma watched as another tear rolled down Regina's cheek. She reached up and gently wiped it away, whispering, "you've been through so much."_

_"I suppose I have. But it's all ancient history now, none of it really matters anymore."_

_She studied the look in Regina's eyes, the pain that was staring back at her telling a different story. "Do you really believe that?"_

_"Yes. What matters now is you and I. Nothing else." Regina leaned closer, reaching up and running her fingertips along Emma's jawline. She gave a small smile to the blonde then closed the distance between them, gently pressing her lips to Emma's. As she pulled back, she whispered, "thank you for listening to me."_

_"Thank you for opening up to me," Emma said, pulling Regina into a hug. She felt the brunette relax into her grip and let out a deep breath. She ran her fingers through Regina's hair, praying that no matter what happens, Regina will never know pain like that again. She would give anything to protect Regina from hurting, no matter the costs._

...

She didn't know what she was doing there, wandering down the halls that she had purposefully avoided for the last eight years. Ever since the guards had brought her Emma, mentioning her thwarted trip into the North Wing, Regina hadn't been able to get the abandoned corridors of her castle out of her mind. It was her shrine to the life that she had longed to live, yet it was far too painful to ever visit. But there was a part of her that wanted to remember everything that had happened, that wanted to be surrounded by the memories she had tried to bury so long ago. It was the one time in her life that she had known genuine happiness, and now more than ever, she longed to remember what that felt like.

Traveling slowly through the abandoned corridors, she felt the memories rising up around her, as though she were surrounded by ghosts of a past life. Around the corner she found a lazy Saturday spent with her father, down the hall, a stolen moment of tenderness with Emma. Memories of contentment and love and hope, things she hadn't felt since Emma died. Things she never thought she'd feel again. Finally, she came upon her favorite of all of the rooms. Stepping through the doorway, her breath caught in her throat.

The room was in shambles, almost unrecognizable to her eyes. One of the doors to the terrace outside had been left open, allowing vines from the gardens to grow in and along the walls of the room. The floor was littered with leaves and dirt, marring the once spotless parquet that she had spent hours dancing across. Tapestries had fallen from their places on the walls. The curtains hung in tatters. Everything had been covered in a thick layer of dust, even her beloved piano, still standing regally in the center of the room, the showpiece among the ruins of her past.

She heard noises from above and looked up to find a few pigeons among the rafters. They flew between the beams, unperturbed by her presence in the room. To her surprise, she found that she didn't mind them being there, making a home of the rooms where she could not. She almost found it comforting; it meant that she didn't have to be alone.

She walked over to her piano, tracing her fingers lightly over the dust-covered keys. She pressed down on middle C but got no response from the instrument. The lid was shut, and she thought it to be for the best. She didn't want to see just how broken her most prized possession was. She almost sat down on the bench, wanting to remember all of those moments the instrument had brought such comfort to her, but thought better of it. She was already feeling emotional enough; she feared to feel much more.

A twig snapped behind her. She turned around, coming face to face with Emma standing in the doorway to the room. Regina felt the anger flare within her. Being within these walls, it was the first time in years that she had allowed herself to feel anything but fury, and in her vulnerable moment, this stranger intrudes.

"Hi," Emma said, taking a tentative step inside the room.

Regina's hands clenched into fists at her sides as she bit back the urge to lash out. "What are you doing here?"

"I followed you. I wanted to speak with you again." Emma answered, looking over the room slowly, taking in the changes of the last eight years. Regina could see the pain in her eyes, but it did nothing to quell her anger. This was her place alone to mourn the past, no one else's.

"I have _nothing_ to say to you," she replied through clenched teeth.

"Please, don't shut me out again." Emma moved across the room and up to the brunette. She reached out as though to take Regina's hand in her own, but seemed to think better of it. "The very fact that you're here, in this room, it speaks volumes, Regina."

"_Don't_." Regina warned, holding up a hand and taking a step backwards, knocking into the piano bench. The sound of scraping wood pierced the silence between them. She broke eye contact, looking anywhere but the pleading eyes in front of her.

"Why won't you let me in? You know that no matter what, I will never hurt you, so why do you constantly keep me at arm's length?"

"You will hurt me," Regina whispered before she could stop herself. She silently cursed herself for allowing anyone to see her in such a vulnerable state. As quickly as they had come crumbling down, she rebuilt the walls around her heart, allowing herself to only feel the rage brewing within her.

"I won't, I promise you. I love you-"

She felt something inside of her snap, yelling, "you do _not_ love me!" Clenching her right fist tightly, she watched as the eyes staring back at her filled with panic. The woman gasped for breath, her hands going to her throat, trying to claw at the invisible forces cutting off her windpipe. The woman fell to her knees at Regina's feet, the silence of the room punctuated with her struggles for breath.

Regina's hand quivered. She watched the woman fight for her life, but found no relief in it for her anger, only a deep pain in her chest. Quickly, she opened her hand fully, releasing the woman from her magical grip. The blonde's body went limp, her arms bracing her upper body from hitting the floor. Regina took a few steps away, turning her back to the woman, and tried desperately to block out the sound of her gasping for breath.

In all of her life, she could only ever remember feeling that level of fury once before, and it had ended in complete destruction. She knew she was lucky that this time had ended differently. If she had killed that woman... She took in a deep, shaky breath, wondering how she had lost control so easily. It was as though someone else had been in authority of her body. She held her hands out in front of her, palms to the sky, and stared at them, watching as they shook uncontrollably. She had nearly killed Emma.

Turning around quickly, she caught the woman's gaze staring at her. She was still sitting on the floor, her breathing restored to normal, but there was genuine pain in her eyes, something that had never been there before. Regina felt the guilt grow within her, a feeling she hadn't known in years. Lowering her eyes, she knew that there was no way she could undo what had just occurred.

Softly, she said, "you should go back to Snow's. There is clearly nothing left here for you to save."

Turning away from the blonde, she headed towards the door, her heels clicking on the wood floor and echoing off the walls. She half-expected Emma to try to stop her from leaving, telling her that their love was still worth fighting for, that Regina wasn't the monster that she thought she was, but no voice ever came from behind her. When Regina moved through the open doorway and into the corridor, she felt a tear slip down her cheek. There truly was nothing left for them anymore.


	7. I've Cried A Thousand Oceans

**A/N:** I'm sorry that it has taken so long to update. My life the past month and a half has been pretty chaotic. This is a pretty long chapter so hopefully that somewhat makes up for my absence. It's also quite a bit fluffier, which I figured was deserved after the angst-fest that the last chapter was. I'm not thrilled with this chapter (I always struggle with the middles of stories, so why should this one be any different) but I hope you all like it.

A super huge thank you to everyone who's been reviewing. You guys motivate me to write when I can't motivate myself. I really, really appreciate your feedback.

* * *

><p><em>She took in a deep breath of the crisp air, feeling the cold permeate to the depths of her lungs. No matter how hard she tried, there was no ignoring the chill in the air. As she wandered throughout the trees, pushing deeper into the forest, her eyes searched for any sign of life. She moved as silently as possible, but the crunching of her boots in the snow with each new step made it next to impossible. Silently, she cursed herself for the situation she was in. How did she wind up here?<em>

_She didn't know where Regina had disappeared to. It had perhaps been hours since she had seen her last. The sky was a blanket of clouds, blocking out the sun and any attempt to discern the time of the day. She worried for Regina's safety, wondering if she too was lost in this mess of trees. There was no telling when they would see each other again. _If _they would see each other again, she corrected herself darkly._

_"Boo!"_

_She let out a scream, quickly spinning around to face the stranger, and came face to face with Regina. The girl fast broke into laughter, her arm clutching around her waist tightly. "You are the devil!" Emma called out over Regina's giggles, feeling the heat rising within her cheeks. She had been beaten, just like Regina had told her she would be._

_When Regina got her laughter under control, she replied with a smile, "it was your idea to play hide and seek in the forest, not mine."_

_"How did you sneak up on me so quietly?" An impish grin crossed over Regina's lips, but she simply shook her head. "Regina..." she practically whined, wanting to know just how she had been caught unaware._

_"I might have used a little assistance."_

_"Assistance? In the form of...?"_

_"Magic."_

_"Magic? That's cheating!" Emma yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Regina. Immediately, Regina held her hands up, shaking her head in dissent._

_"Oh, no, dear. I would never cheat. We never had any rules against magic." The sparkle in Regina's eyes made it very clear that she knew she was winning on a technicality._

_Emma let out a chuckle and held her hands up in surrender. "Fine, you win," she said. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around Regina and pulled her in for a searing kiss. When she let her go a few moments later, Regina looked up to her in surprise._

_"What was that for?" She asked breathlessly._

_"I wanted to get the upper hand back."_

_"And that you did." With a shake of the head, she linked her arm in Emma's, pulling her body close. "Shall we head back now?"_

_"I think so. I've had my fill of the forest for a little while, however I have no idea where we are." When she felt Regina start in one direction, she moved with her, her eyes studying her beloved's face. "You know how to get us out of here?" Regina nodded, an amused smile on her lips. "How?"_

_"Magic." She said softly._

_"I didn't even know you knew any magic. You never told me before."_

_Regina carefully avoided her gaze, her eyes wandering over the forest in front of them. "Truthfully, I can't say that I know much... The magic that I do know, I learned from my mother many years ago."_

_They hadn't spoken of Regina's mother since that night in the music room a few weeks before. There were times when Emma had wanted to ask more about the woman, but never felt it appropriate to broach the subject herself. When Regina remained silent, she asked gently, "your mother?"_

_Regina nodded slowly. "Upon my eighth birthday, she decided to begin teaching me. The lessons were in secret as my father never approved of magic in the castle. To this day, I don't know if he was aware of the things that she taught me."_

_"What all did she teach you how to do?"_

_Regina smiled automatically, the memories running through her mind. "Mostly childish things... moving and creating simple objects... basic thought manipulation, which I used often to trick the guards when I was feeling mischievous... how to conjure fire. But there were other things that she taught me... things no child should know about." Her voice trailed off, her eyes darkening in remembrance._

_Emma felt her concern grow, wondering just what it was that Regina was alluding to. She knew better than to ask, not wanting to force any more painful memories onto Regina, so she held her tongue. The sounds of running water broke the silence between them. She looked up to find the banks of the river nearby, their horses still tied up where they left them near the bridge. As they walked over, Emma caught Regina's eye, giving her a shy smile. "I don't condone using magic for cheating, but it can be quite helpful."_

_"I thought we agreed that it wasn't cheating?" Regina broke contact with Emma, heading over to her horse as Emma went to her own. Regina turned her face to the sky, feeling the beginnings of a rain storm approaching._

_"I only agreed because we were lost in the forest with no one but each other." Emma answered, untying the horse's reigns from a tree. She mounted the horse, adding, "I didn't want to spend our time arguing over rule violations while we should've been trying to figure the correct way out of the woods." She looked over to Regina, finding an amused look on the girl's face. "It's true."_

_"Of course it is, dear." Regina pulled herself up and onto her horse, then turned to Emma with a smug grin. "Do you want a chance to beat me? A chance at redemption for losing earlier?"_

_She looked at Regina curiously, wondering what she had in mind. There was a challenge in her eyes, and Emma knew there was no possible way that she could back down now. "What are you suggesting?"_

_"A race to the castle. Whoever wins is the true victor of the day."_

_"Deal." Emma said, a smug grin on her lips. "See you at the castle," she called out, digging her heels into the flanks of her horse, causing it to take off without any warning._

_Regina quickly followed suit, spurring her horse forward, and soon she caught up to Emma. She let Emma lead the way for a while, feeling sure that the race would be hers to win if she could just play her cards right. She would lure Emma into safety, making her believe that she would win, and then charge forward once she wasn't expecting it. However, her smug mood was quickly vanquished when a lightning bolt struck the ground not far in the distance. A loud crack of thunder soon followed._

_Emma's horse halted abruptly on the trail in front of her, and automatically Regina pulled tight on her reigns. Her horse came to a stop a few feet away from Emma's. Another flash of lightning came from somewhere above, followed by a loud crack of thunder ripping through the silent forest. She watched in horror as the front hooves of Emma's horse came off of the ground, rearing up towards the sky. Emma managed to stay in the saddle, but when the horse's front hooves met contact with the ground again, the back legs kicked out. The horse bucked hard, sending Emma flying out of the saddle. She crumpled into a pile on the dirt road as her horse took off towards the castle._

_Regina quickly dismounted, running over to where Emma laid face down in the dirt. She turned Emma onto her back, pulling the blonde into her lap and wrapping her arms around her body. "Emma?" Emma's eyes were shut, a large gash tore across her forehead. A trail of blood fell from the wound and down her face, the deep crimson liquid staining her pale skin. Large drops of rain began falling, hitting Emma's face, but she remained motionless._

_"Emma," she said softly, the shock of the turn of events not yet wearing off. "Emma." She shook Emma's body, trying to rouse her into consciousness. "Emma, open your eyes," she said, her voice gaining strength. She shook Emma harder, but there was no response. Her fingers moved to Emma's neck, pressing gently on her pulse point. When she felt nothing, she began to panic. Her vision blurring with tears, she moved her hand up slightly, hoping she was just in the wrong place. A few dreadful moments passed before she felt it. The strong pulsing against her fingertips sent a wave of relief coursing through her. "Open your eyes, Emma. Please..."_

_She ran her fingers through Emma's blonde locks, studying the serene look on Emma's face. Tearing her gaze away, she took in her surroundings. While Emma's horse had bolted, her own was still standing only a few feet away, shifting nervously at the sounds of thunder in the distance. The castle was still quite far, a few hours walking distance. The chances of anyone finding them this far off of the main road were slim. Virtually no one wandered in this part of the woods, which was one of the reasons why Regina loved it so. A noise from below her caught her attention._

_"Emma," she breathed, looking down to the girl, finding her eyes still closed. Emma's head turned into her, her face pressing slightly into Regina's stomach. Emma's lips parted and she drew in a deep breath, wincing in pain. "Emma," Regina stroked her cheek lovingly, "open your eyes, dear." A few moments later, Emma's eyes fluttered open, her gaze searching for something. When she looked up to Regina, a smile spread over her lips._

_"Hey, beautiful," she whispered, earning a huge smile from Regina. Her brow creased in confusion. "What happened?" She started to sit up, but Regina's arm wrapped around her stomach, effectively halting her movements._

_"Just rest for a few minutes, alright?" When Emma relaxed back into her arms, she began stroking her hair again. "Thunder spooked your horse, and she bucked you off. You must have hit your head when you fell," she answered, her fingertips lightly grazing the skin beside the cut on Emma's forehead. "How are you feeling? Do you feel dizzy at all? Or lightheaded?"_

_"Yes." Regina's face contorted in concern. "But I always feel that way when I look at you." Emma added with a grin. Regina took in a deep breath, shaking her head slightly._

_"Now is not the time to be saying things like that, Emma. You could really be hurt."_

_"I feel fine, dear," she said, purposefully using Regina's term of endearment to fish a smile out of her. "Honest, I'm alright." Another loud clap of thunder sounded from above, causing both girls to look towards the sky. "But I think we need to get out of this weather."_

_Regina's eyes met hers again, betraying just how concerned she was. "Alright, but the moment something feels wrong, promise me that you will tell me."_

_"I promise." Emma held her gaze, wanting Regina to see just how truthful her words were. Regina nodded at her, forcing a smile and holding out her hand for Emma to take. With Regina's help, Emma managed to sit up. Immediately, she felt a strong hand rubbing her back._

_"How do you feel?"_

_"Sore," she answered with a forced smile. When Regina's eyebrows creased in concern, Emma decided to distract her. "Help me stand?" Regina stood, then carefully helped Emma to her feet, an arm wrapped around her back for support. The rain picked up, falling down around them in torrents. Regina knew they needed to get back to the castle before the roads became impassable._

_"Can you stand on your own?" Regina asked. Emma nodded, even though she wasn't sure that it was the truth. Regina reluctantly pulled away, moving over to her horse. She reached under the horse's belly, unbuckling the saddle, and pulled the seat off. She dropped it onto the ground unceremoniously then grabbed the horse's reigns, leading the mare over to where Emma was standing. "Do you need help getting up?"_

_Emma hesitated, not knowing what parts of her were bruised, but she decided against it. The last thing she wanted was for Regina to think she was in a lot of pain. "No, I'm fine." She managed to swing herself onto the horse, wincing as various pains shot through her body. A few moments passed before she felt Regina's body behind her on the horse, arms wrapping around her waist tightly._

_"Lean into me," Regina said into her ear, "just relax. It'll help the pain."_

_Emma did as she was told, relaxing fully into Regina's embrace and leaning against her chest. She watched as Regina took the reigns in one hand, her other still wrapped tightly around Emma's stomach. The horse started down the road slowly. Emma felt Regina's breath on her neck and smiled, feeling safer than she ever had before. Her eyes fell closed, letting the gentle rocking of the horse's gait further calm her. "How far is it to the castle?"_

_"Not far. We'll be there before you know it... Just rest, dear," Regina said gently. She pressed her lips against Emma's temple, wanting nothing more than to take away her beloved's pain. She took in a deep breath, trying to let go of the terror she had just experienced. Never before had she felt so much fear._

_She tightened her grip around Emma's waist, pulling Emma closer to her body. She had never been so certain of the depth of her feelings for Emma before. Above all else, she knew she would never survive losing her. As they made their way through the forest, one thought kept repeating itself in her mind: she had finally found true love._

...

She traveled down the darkened corridor, purposefully averting her eyes from the countless mirrors adorning the wall beside her. She didn't know why, but in the darkness, the reflections of the torchlights gave the passageway an ominous feel. It made her wonder again if confronting Regina was truly the right thing to do. Perhaps it would all pay off in the end, but perhaps it would only result in her demise.

She had spent the past day in her chambers, thinking over everything that had transpired since she had gotten to the castle. She wrestled with the idea of leaving, but could never fully embrace it. Ever since she had first met Regina, she wanted nothing more than to do what the woman asked of her, always choosing to put Regina's needs above her own. But now that the one thing that Regina wanted was Emma's departure from the castle, she didn't know what to do. She would do anything to make Regina happy, but leaving simply wasn't an option.

Regina had changed considerably since their time together eight years ago, that much was obvious. But even after what had transpired in the music room, Emma refused to believe that she was that different. The girl that Emma had once known was still alive, buried perhaps under years of torment and suffering, but she was there. It would perhaps take lots of time and love, but she knew that she could help Regina remember how to be that girl again. If she could only get Regina to open up to her, she knew they would again find happiness together.

She hesitated in the doorway to the large room, unsure of how her presence was going to be received. Regina had already made it quite clear that she didn't want Emma there, and after the way they had left things, Emma was certain that much hadn't changed. But she had to try. She took a few steps into the room to find Regina sitting in a wingback chair, staring into the empty fireplace. When moments passed without any acknowledgment, Emma cleared her throat. Slowly, brown eyes trailed across the room, widening when they met Emma's.

"I thought you'd left." Regina said, a softness in her voice that Emma hadn't yet heard from her.

"Truthfully... I did consider it."

Regina's gaze fell to the floor, then she turned back to the fireplace. "You should leave. I can't promise your safety here. The next time... you might not be so lucky," she finished, her voice barely audible from across the room.

Emma hesitated, then took a few steps closer, saying, "you won't try to hurt me again."

"How can you be so certain of that?" Regina asked. She waved her hand in the direction of the fireplace, causing flames to appear out of thin air. Emma stared at it in wonder, surprised at how effortless magic had become for Regina. Slowly, she turned her attention back to the woman before her, forcing herself to focus on the matter at hand. She had come here for a reason, and she refused to leave until she got what she wanted.

"Look at me." She commanded, surprised by the strength in her voice. Regina turned towards her, an eyebrow raised in question. "In the music room, I saw the way that you looked at me when you realized what you had done. There was horror in your eyes, Regina. You were mortified that you had hurt me." She took the final few steps separating her from where Regina was sitting, eyes locked on deep brown ones. "I am certain that you will _never_ hurt me again, because you will carry that day around with you forever. It's what you've always done when you regret something; you punish yourself repeatedly, far more than anyone else would. You won't hurt me again because you're never going to forget that moment. That's why I'm certain that I'm safe with you."

"You're a fool." Regina spat, her eyes revealing her disgust. She stood quickly, coming eye to eye with Emma, invading her personal space completely. "I nearly killed you, and yet you stay. You think that you know me so well, but did you ever once think that I would hurt you? No, you never did, and yet I nearly _killed_ you. You don't know anything." Regina pulled back, walking swiftly towards the balcony.

Emma immediately followed after Regina, unwilling to let their conversation end so abruptly. She grabbed her wrist tightly, causing Regina to spin around and come face to face once more. Emma ignored the fury burning in her eyes, saying firmly, "you didn't mean to hurt me."

"I almost killed you, Emma!" She yelled in anger, though Emma knew that it wasn't directed at her; Regina was furious with herself. "I nearly killed you! I watched you as you gasped for breath and I felt nothing! What does that tell you about who I am now?"

"You're broken. You've spent eight years in misery, of course it changed you-"

"No, you don't understand." Regina said, roughly pulling her hand out of Emma's grasp. "Do you have any idea how many people I've killed, how many lives I've destroyed? I've spent the last eight years punishing everybody I could for having happiness while I had none. I am a killer. A murderer. I am _nothing_ like the girl you used to know."

Emma stood still, her eyes locked on Regina's. It wasn't the first time Regina had mentioned killing others, but the information had yet to sink in. She didn't know the details- she didn't want to know the details- but the idea made her stomach churn. Regina suddenly pulled away, turning her back and walking out onto the balcony. Emma watched her closely as she leaned heavily on the iron railing, grasping the bars until her knuckles turned white.

She realized then just how little she knew of Regina's current situation. She _was_ stuck in the past, just like Regina had said. She saw what she had wanted to see and ignored the rest of it. Regina was far from being the same girl that she had once loved. She had changed, perhaps more than she'd ever be able to come back from. Emma shivered involuntarily at the thought. It was a dark one, that her beloved had turned so willingly to evil that there was no hope left for her.

But there was a nagging in the back of her mind, a thought that wouldn't let her go. Years before, the day that she left Regina standing on that bridge, she had promised Regina that they would be together again. They would have their happy ending together, no matter what she had to do to make it happen. As bleak as things looked now, she couldn't break that promise. She owed it to Regina to keep fighting for their future, even if it seemed like it was a losing battle. No matter what, she knew she couldn't walk away. Not from Regina.

Emma walked out onto the balcony, keeping a slight distance between herself and Regina. "Look at me," she said softly. Regina continued to stare down at the gardens, the struggle painted on her face. She wanted to give in to Emma's request, but there was something inside of her that refused. "Regina, please..."

Slowly, Regina tore her gaze away from the scenery below, her dark eyes settling on Emma's. Emma searched for any sign as to what the brunette was feeling but found nothing. Regina was no longer an open book to her. Her gaze was blank, emotionless, nothing like it used to be. Her eyes used to betray her every emotion. Emma had become a master at intuitively knowing how to approach a situation with only a glance to Regina's eyes. Now, she found herself clueless.

"I realize that I don't know what you've been through," she started, taking a small step closer to Regina. "I might not even know who you are anymore... but I know that what we once had together was real. Maybe it truly is gone forever, maybe there is no future left for us, but I can't give up on us. Not now, and perhaps not ever."

Regina opened her mouth to respond, her eyebrows narrowing in anger, but hesitated. She quickly turned away, directing her gaze to the forest surrounding the castle. The lines on her face relaxed as she asked, "how can you still feel that way?"

Emma smiled sadly, answering, "I have nothing left to lose." Regina looked back up to her in confusion. As she studied the look on the brunette's face, she felt the familiar burning of tears. She hadn't cried in such a long time; the sudden desire to do so nearly overwhelmed her. "You were the one good thing I had in this life. The only moments that I ever found happiness were with you. You pulled me out of the darkness when I thought it was all I would ever know. You saved me, Regina... And now, maybe... maybe it's my turn to save you."

She felt the first tear escape and fall slowly down her cheek, watching as Regina's eyes traced its path down her skin, confusion evident in her dark orbs. Another tear fell, then a third. Emma let them fall freely, her arms hanging limply at her sides. Part of her wanted to break, to let out all of the pain that she had been smothering for the past eight years. But instead, she took deep breaths, suppressing the sobs before they could take hold of her body. She watched as Regina remained motionless, her eyes never straying from Emma's tear stained cheeks.

Emma studied the expression on Regina's face. She wondered what was so confusing to Regina- that Emma was crying or that Emma was crying for _her_. She had always been willing to bear her feelings to Regina, far more than to anyone else she had ever met, but she had never once cried in front of her. Even in moments that warranted tears, she held herself together so that Regina could fall apart. But now, more than ever, she knew that she needed to show Regina just how deep her feelings ran. She needed Regina to know just how much she cared for her.

Slowly, she ducked her head, forcing Regina's eyes to meet her own. She tried a smile, but Regina remained impassive. Regina shook her head once, a tendril of dark hair falling into her eyes. Brushing it away quickly, she took a step backwards, looking anywhere but at the woman in front of her.

"I didn't save you," Regina whispered, breaking the silence between them.

A small smile broke out on Emma's lips. "Yes, you did. I know you never thought of it that way, but you never really knew what my life was like before I met you. I was miserable, Regina. But with you, I found happiness. _You_ were the cause of that, no one else."

Regina shook her head, dismissing the idea. She glanced back into the large room, her eyes searching the empty space. "You won't find happiness here, I promise you that." She started to pull away, wanting to put distance between them again, but Emma's hand on her arm stopped her. Reluctantly, she looked up to Emma again, her eyes almost pleading for Emma to let her go.

Emma stepped closer, saying, "if I walk away, I'll never know true happiness anyway. There is nothing waiting out there for me anymore... Nothing at all." She ran her hand down Regina's arm, lightly stroking her skin. She wanted nothing more than to take Regina's hand in her own. She wanted to feel the comfort that came when Regina's hand grasped hers, but she knew it was far too soon for such an intimate gesture. Pulling her hand away slowly, she took in a ragged breath. "You and I, we've both been living in the past for so long, the world has moved forward without us. I have nothing to go back to, Regina. There is nothing else out there for me, so why can't I stay?"

"I nearly killed you," Regina whispered, unwilling to let the matter go.

"Yes, you did," she said with a nod, taking another step closer, nearly invading Regina's personal space. "But that isn't the most important thing that's ever happened between us. We've been through so much together that a single moment doesn't define our relationship, Regina. It'll make things harder for a while- I honestly can't say how much I trust you right now because I don't know- but that one moment doesn't mean that we don't have a chance. It doesn't mean anything more than what we let it, and I'm not willing to let it ruin both of our futures."

Regina drew in a deep breath, looking down to her hands. Emma traced her facial features with her eyes, wanting nothing more than to pull her into a tight hug and never let her go. Regina was suffering so much, more than Emma had ever imagined possible. All that she wanted was to make Regina forget everything and help the brunette move on with her life. Slowly, Regina lifted her eyes, giving a slight nod in Emma's direction. "So what is it that you want from me?"

"I want you to try. I want you to at least be willing to open up to me, to stop locking yourself away in your chambers for days at a time." Emma ducked her head, moving into Regina's line of sight and forcing eye contact. "Spend some time with me and maybe everything will get better. Maybe things will change."

Regina stared at her, holding eye contact for the first time that night. She nodded again. "I suppose that after what I did to you, it's only fair that I do whatever you wish. If staying is what you truly want to do, then I am not going to stand in your way any longer."

"But I need you to try, Regina. Please... Do this for me."

Regina looked away again, out to the trees of the forest. Her eyes danced across the scenery, reliving some moment that held great pain for her. Emma wanted to ask what it was, to soothe Regina's wounds, but instead she waited for Regina's response. Slowly, Regina turned her gaze in Emma's direction, carefully avoiding eye contact. "Very well. I... will try."

Before Emma had an opportunity to respond, Regina had pulled away and walked back into the room, leaving her standing alone on the balcony. She watched Regina move across the room with the grace of a dancer, but her head bowed in defeat. Even though Emma knew it wasn't her fault, she couldn't help but feel guilty, like she had done something to cause Regina's misery.

She had pushed Regina too far in the music room. Regina had been in a dark place and Emma had only made things worse, leading her to snap under the weight of her emotions. It wasn't truly Emma's fault- though she didn't really lay blame with Regina either- but she should have known better than to push her so far. She knew that moving forward she would have to be far more mindful of Regina's limits. She had a feeling the brunette couldn't take much more before she would break completely.

...

_Once they had entered the castle and the King had heard what had happened to the girls, he had demanded Emma be placed on immediate bed rest and the castle doctor was sent for. Guards had carried Emma up to her room, Regina never straying far from her side. The doctor examined Emma in private, then told Regina and her father in the hallway that Emma's condition was not serious. She would probably be feeling the effects of the blow to the head for a few days, but as long as she avoided straining herself, she would be alright. Regina quickly went back into Emma's room, where she found her alone, laying down in the center of her large bed._

_Silently, Regina walked over to find that Emma's eyes were closed. She looked down at the sleeping beauty, her heartbeat pulsing in her ears. She had almost lost Emma. Even though she was fine, everything could have turned out so differently. Emma's eyes flickered open, green meeting brown. Emma smiled up at her, then reached out for Regina's hand. Regina gave Emma's a small squeeze as the door opened again behind her._

_"And how is our patient doing?" The King asked as he came to stand beside his daughter. He looked down at Emma, inspecting her once more. "You look much better, dear."_

_"I feel better." Emma said, pushing herself to sit up further in the bed. She saw the concern in Regina's eyes and forced a smile at her to try to quell her fear. "Almost like nothing ever happened."_

_"Nonsense." Henry said with a bit of a laugh. "It's very brave of you to try to conceal your pain from us, but we both know better. You can spend the next few days here, being tended to, and then I'm sure you'll get back to your normal self. Until then, you must relax. You are to let the rest of us take care of you, do you understand?"_

_"Yes, sir." Emma said playfully, knowing there was no use arguing with Regina's father. He would always win, because she could never oppose him for very long; she liked him too much for that._

_"Good. Now, I will go, leave you two girls alone for the evening. Dinner is being prepared for you. It will be up momentarily... Regina," he said, turning towards his daughter, "if anything goes wrong, you make certain I'm alerted, day or night, alright?"_

_"Yes, daddy."_

_"Good." He leaned in, kissing Regina on the cheek, then turned back to Emma. "I hope you get feeling better very soon."_

_"Thank you."_

_"Well, I wish you both a good night," the King said, looking from Emma to Regina with a smile. They both echoed his goodbye as he left, closing the door behind him._

_Regina turned towards Emma, eyes locking on hers. She gently crawled up into the bed, careful not to disturb the mattress too much, and sat so that she was facing Emma. She stared at her beloved for a long moment, trying to convince herself that everything was going to be fine, that Emma was alright. Emma gave her a tentative smile, causing Regina to realize that her concern was written all over her face. She quickly returned the smile, whispering, "you scared me."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"It's not your fault, dear," she raised a hand up to Emma's cheek, gently running her fingertips across smooth skin. "I just had no idea that I could be so scared. But you're going to be fine. That's all that matters." She leaned in, placing a soft kiss on Emma's lips. When she heard a knock on the door, she quickly pulled back and looked over her shoulder. A servant entered the room, carrying a tray with their dinner. "Place that over here," Regina said, motioning towards the table beside the bed. The servant did so and disappeared back into the hallway, the door closing behind her._

_"That smells amazing, but I don't have much of an appetite right now," Emma said, staring at the food._

_"You need to eat. It's important that you keep your strength up while you're healing." Regina said, picking up one of the dishes and holding it out for Emma to take. When Emma only eyed the food, Regina added, "please. Just eat a little bit. For me?"_

_Emma looked up to her, narrowing her eyes with a grin on her lips. "You know, you can get me to do anything if you phrase it that way." She took the dish from Regina with a shake of her head. "I will do my best."_

_"Thank you." Regina watched as Emma took her first bite, a sour look coming upon her face. A laugh escaped Regina's lips. "It can't be that bad."_

_"The things I'm willing to do for you." Emma shook her head again in scorn, her smile never faltering._

_They ate their food in silence, their eyes never wandering far from the other's face. After they were done eating, Regina had summoned a guard to take away their dishes. Regina had descended from the bed to lock the door behind him when he exited, ensuring their privacy for the rest of the evening. When she crawled back into the bed, she laid down upon the pillows beside Emma, wrapping her arm around Emma's body and pulling her close. Emma turned onto her side, resting her head against Regina's shoulder as she snuggled into her beloved's embrace._

_Emma gently ran a hand over Regina's stomach as she said, "I truly am sorry for what happened. I know you must have been terrified."_

_"I was." Regina placed a gentle kiss to Emma's forehead, thanking the Gods again that the girl in her arms was safe. "But it was my fault that it happened. I should be the one apologizing."_

_Emma pulled back suddenly, her eyes meeting Regina's dark ones, confusion evident on her face. "It was not your fault, Regina. You had nothing to do with what happened. The horse got scared, that was all."_

_Regina shook her head in dissent, her eyes betraying the guilt she was feeling. "But if I hadn't suggested the race- if your horse had been walking instead of galloping- then perhaps it would have reacted differently to the thunder, perhaps you might not have been thrown."_

_"Regina... it was _not_ your fault, so please don't blame yourself, alright?" Regina hesitated, her eyes looking down to where Emma's hand rested on her stomach. Emma moved so that she was in Regina's line of sight then added, "if the situation were reversed, would you ever lay any blame with me?"_

_"No." Regina answered softly._

_"Then don't do it with yourself. It never once crossed my mind that you were responsible, so please don't punish yourself for this, alright? I'm going to be fine, so let's just forget about what happened entirely." Regina studied the look in her eyes for a long moment then finally nodded._

_"It has been forgotten."_

_Emma stared back at her, wondering if it was the truth. She knew that Regina had a tendency to find fault in herself, where she would normally grant forgiveness to others. Regina's penchant for criticizing herself was one of the few things that Emma wished were different about the brunette. She would give anything for Regina to see herself the way that she saw her, to be able to focus on all of the amazing things and not imagine flaws in herself where none existed._

_"You look so lost in thought," Regina said with a small smile. "There are always so many things going on up here," she lightly touched her fingertips to Emma's temple, "so many things I wish I could be privy to." A look of uncertainty flashed in Regina's eyes, telling Emma everything she needed to know about the meaning behind Regina's words. Regina was scared of the things she didn't know, all the things that Emma thought but never said to her. She was scared that perhaps Emma's feelings didn't run as deeply as her own._

_Emma took Regina's hand in hers, bringing it to her lips and dropping a light kiss on Regina's knuckles. She turned Regina's hand over in her own, interlacing their fingers, her gaze never straying from Regina's dark eyes. She had never said the words to anyone before, but she knew that this was it. This was the moment when she could finally bare her soul to Regina. For her sake and Regina's, it was what she had to do. "I love you," she whispered._

_She studied the look on Regina's face, searching for any sign that saying those words wasn't a mistake. The brunette looked at her first with surprise, but a few moments later, her eyes shined up at Emma with happiness, a wide smile spreading across her lips as she said, "I love you, too."_

_Emma pressed her lips to Regina's, her fingers tangling in dark strands. She opened her mouth, letting her tongue gently trace over Regina's bottom lip. After a moment of hesitance, Regina granted her entrance, allowing her to deepen the kiss. She felt Regina's arms encircle her waist and pull her closer. As she moved to straddle Regina's lap, she pulled away from her beloved's kiss, looking down at the beauty beneath her._

_Her fingers went to the buttons at the collar of her nightgown. Slowly, she undid each one, Regina's eyes locked on the movement of her fingers. When she finished with the last button, she trailed her hands down her sides to where her nightgown bunched at her hips. She grabbed the hem, starting to pull the gown upwards, but Regina's hands covered her own, halting her movements._

_"What are you doing?" Regina asked in a whisper, her gaze finally trailing up to meet Emma's in question._

_"I want to show you how much I care for you." Emma searched Regina's eyes, wondering if she was moving to fast for her beloved. But Regina's eyes were darkened with lust, giving Emma the confidence that she needed to follow through on her words._

_"Emma, you were thrown from a horse. You need to rest right now."_

_"No. What I need is you." Emma pressed her lips to Regina's again, a hand stroking her cheek. When they broke apart for air, Emma whispered, "only you." She met Regina's gaze again, silently pleading with Regina to allow her what she needed. A few moments passed before Emma felt Regina's hands push hers away. Her brow creased in confusion, until she felt Regina grab the hem of her nightgown. Slowly, Regina lifted it up her body and over her head, tossing it to the floor._

_Emma watched as Regina's gaze trailed down her body. Her skin was blemished, bruised by the fall from the horse, but never before had she felt so beautiful than at that moment. The way that Regina looked at her, dark eyes revealing the depth of her emotions, it shocked her, soothed her, set every nerve in her body on fire. She felt her body hum with anticipation. Slowly, Regina's eyes trailed up to meet her own, a smile playing on her lips. Emma moved into her, pressing their lips together, feeling Regina's hands rubbing her bare back, and she knew with certainty that this was where she belonged for the rest of her life._


End file.
